Just in a bad space at the moment, well shall I say worse than "normal" (even my normal is not great but bearable). It feels easier to just let my defences down and die. Why should I bother to try to live when I could die? Even existentialist believe life has no meaning and we have to create meaning ourselves. I think if we have to create meaning then ultimately there is no inherent meaning to human life or my life for that matter.