Hello there. I've recently joined these forums. I've had issues with depression for most of my life and for the most part I've dealt with it. I've had a history of cutting and a lot of close calls with suicide. Recently though my depression feels different. years ago when I was at my worst I felt a terrible dark feeling inside at almost all times. It was an energetic feeling. I was consumed with hate, anger and sadness. My emotions were so intense that I often felt physically tired just from feeling them. However now my depression is very different. I don't have the energy to do anything. I don't feel angry or hatred. I don't even feel...sadness as much as before. Right now all I feel is a hollow emptiness. I don't have any motivation to do anything and everything I do seems to be just with the motions of things. I watch shows or go on the internet just to pass the time. I eat out of habit and compulsion. I see my friends from time to time but mostly because I feel like it would be rude not to. On my days off if my friends don't invite me out anywhere i usually just say in my bedroom on the computer or just in bed. I don't want to do anything because there isn't anything I want to do. Nothing makes me feel alive anymore. Nothing appeals to me. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday of the year. Its like my christmas really. This year I didn't even decorate. Nothing in the yard, nothing int he house. This is the first time in my 24 years that I haven't done anything. My grade suffer and I withdrew from this semester at school. I've half ass my work. I've gained weight. I'm always tired even though I sleep upwards of 10 hours a night some nights. I just feel too tired.