Apathetic depression

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by RowanBlack, Nov 2, 2015.

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  1. RowanBlack

    RowanBlack Member

    Hello there. I've recently joined these forums.

    I've had issues with depression for most of my life and for the most part I've dealt with it. I've had a history of cutting and a lot of close calls with suicide. Recently though my depression feels different. years ago when I was at my worst I felt a terrible dark feeling inside at almost all times. It was an energetic feeling. I was consumed with hate, anger and sadness. My emotions were so intense that I often felt physically tired just from feeling them.

    However now my depression is very different. I don't have the energy to do anything. I don't feel angry or hatred. I don't even feel...sadness as much as before. Right now all I feel is a hollow emptiness. I don't have any motivation to do anything and everything I do seems to be just with the motions of things. I watch shows or go on the internet just to pass the time. I eat out of habit and compulsion. I see my friends from time to time but mostly because I feel like it would be rude not to.

    On my days off if my friends don't invite me out anywhere i usually just say in my bedroom on the computer or just in bed. I don't want to do anything because there isn't anything I want to do. Nothing makes me feel alive anymore. Nothing appeals to me. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday of the year. Its like my christmas really. This year I didn't even decorate. Nothing in the yard, nothing int he house. This is the first time in my 24 years that I haven't done anything.

    My grade suffer and I withdrew from this semester at school. I've half ass my work. I've gained weight. I'm always tired even though I sleep upwards of 10 hours a night some nights. I just feel too tired.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    different level of depression i am where you are at i just don't feel and have no energy most days to care i do what needs to be done like a robot then crash in between I hope you can talk to someone about how you are feeling the school put you classes on hold talk to someone there until you are able to get back to it that way you don't loose your credits or time you have put into the course get a stay on your course ok talk to someone at school a councilor someone who can help you
     
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  3. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, you've come to a good place, everyone here understands some form of depression and suicide ideation so no one judges each other here. I don't know exactly what your going through, but chances are there's somone who here can relate to you, we have a lot of people with every possible problem here. Anyway never hesitate to come here to ask for help, you will always get a response :)
     
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  4. RowanBlack

    RowanBlack Member

    Thanks. I'm generally really bad about talking about things like this.
     
  5. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    So was I, but coming here has been good practice
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Have you ever tried getting help before? This may be a good first step so you do no thave to go it alone in this and helps many. Many also find actual professional help to be the thing that really turns things around. When you have run out of ideas yourself is nothing wrong with getting some ideas and help from others and from professionals.
     
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