It's like I've been so depressed and so low and so down on myself that I just don't even have any feelings anymore. Im at the point of low that I don't even understand the point of anything anymore. I don't know why I continue to wake up each day I don't know why I'm even reaching out. Nothing helps. And I'm getting to the point of apathy where I'm becoming so irritable with everyone around me. I get so angry by just listening to my friend simply talk and I have to get up and walk away. I tried cutting to try to get myself to feel like anything and I felt pain but I just can't get myself out of this rut. I'm in college and I don't see the point in going on anymore. With anything. I don't know want to do any of this anymore. Im sick of feeling depressed until the point of just not caring about anything in my life. The only thing keeping me here today is that my family loves me and I could never hurt them for all that they have done for me. I am so afraid to talk to a professional because I know they'll just lock me up in a psychiatric unit. I was put in a psych unit when I was 16 and it was the most horrible experience of my life and made my depression like 10x worse. I'm convinced the only thing worse than dying is being forced against your will into a psych unit. I want help but I can't go back to that place again I can't....I'm so scared and just ready for everything to end but I just needed one last try for help.