Apology

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mommyssad, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. mommyssad

    mommyssad Antiquitie's Friend

    I should just come out and say it. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and I haven’t been able to get up the nerve to admit this until now. I was so wrong and I am so sorry. I figured it was about time. This apology is about 17 years overdue.

    Have you gotten to that time in your life where you question everything you’ve ever done, every choice you’ve made, every path you’ve taken? Do you believe in Karma? I keep thinking that I would be happy now, if I didn’t do half the stuff I did when I was a young adult. But I’m not happy. I did things that I am terribly ashamed of, including stealing a friend’s fiancé.

    I’m not that bad a person. I made bad choices, I knew that then. But I never would have guessed me to be a homewrecker. I’d like to think I always strived to be a friend for anyone who needed one; but obviously that didn’t ring true. I never gave a chance for our friendship, even though you were always so kind to me.

    I cannot explain what got into me that autumn, what made me think it was okay to take him from you. I was so insecure; I had such low self esteem. Only someone who was so insecure would do something like that; maybe someone evil, narcissistic or self centered. I guess I had a little of all of that at that time in my life. To try to put into words, any reasoning, any excuse, is wrong. I did what I did, I am not proud of it and I am completely sorry. If I knew then, what I know now, it would have never happened. But I cannot take away what I did. I live with it every day, knowing that I hurt you, that I hurt both of you.

    I’m not asking for forgiveness. I certainly don’t expect it. I can’t even expect you to acknowledge me. I just needed to write this, for my own sanity. I feel like a heel and have felt this way for so many years. Maybe you can take comfort in that.