I live in a home with my mom and my cat Buddy. My mom has been flipping out at me, accusing me of doing drugs(thing is, I DON'T do drugs, only time I actually did was an overdose on what I was prescribed so I could die, but obviously that failed). She drinks, and she is not the type of alcoholic that neglects housework, but she does get verbally abusive when she drinks. She says how she always has to "kiss my ass" and can't say anything to me. That's not true at all. How would you like it if someone yelled at you, called you mean things, and told you that you have been nothing but a burden since you were born? She doesn't tell me that I was nothing but a burden since I was born everytime, but even once is too much. She has said it a few times to my father on the phone, who I would live with if I could, but he has his own issues, he's in a wheelchair and he lives in an apartment and he needs someone to take care of him 24/7, and I tried, but I can't do it. Living by myself is not an option either, since according to my mom, the welfare system won't support me living on my own if I already am living with someone- basically they will only support you if you're on the streets looking for a home or something. I thought about getting us some counselling, but she won't do it, since to her, I'm the problem, not her, she's perfect. I admit, I'm not perfect, but I try to be "sensible" and "happy". I try not to show her my emotions since she gets mad at me if I do show her any sign of being upset or something. Also, I had a brain injury when I was born which has made many things difficult for me, there is a cyst covering the entire right side of my brain that can't be removed, the doctors only put in a shunt to prevent the fluid from the cyst from building up(this was done in a different part of Canada than I currently reside, I was born in the part I had the shunt put in), and we only found that out in 2009, and I had the surgery in 1989, when I was born. It took twenty years for us to find that out, and I was seeing a pediatrics neurologist since I was four years old, and we were never told anything by the pediatrics neurologist about the cyst not being removed(we were told it was), and it was only after I had a Grand Mal Seizure in 2008 and this nurse made my life hell for it because I hit her while in a seizure IN A HOSPITAL BED(that's a whole other story, see other posts I made for that). If I had any friends or family living here I would move in with them, but I don't, so I'm stuck with her. With her, she acts like she's always right, if she says that the sky is purple when it is actually blue then the sky is purple, since you can't convince her it's blue no matter what. I try to look at the positives, but it is becoming harder and harder with all of this crap going on. I am suicidal, as I have been since I was young, and they say life fets better? HA! I have been dealing with a lot of crap since I was born practically, and I just can't take it anymore. I really am considering ending it all tonight, since I won't have to deal with any more of this emotional or psychological pain that I'm dealing with, And I have tried psychologists, I have been seeing psychologists since I was 12 years old, and none of it has worked. Maybe that is why. I'm just too much of a fucked up case that has no hope. I'm just waiting for my number to be called so I can die, and I hope it's soon. Every suicide attempt so far has failed, I hope this one works.