Apparently, I Can't Deal With Change.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Forsaken Heretic, May 24, 2008.

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  1. Forsaken Heretic

    Forsaken Heretic Well-Known Member

    I feel like shit. Complete and total shit.

    Last month my lovey decided it was time for us to move out, and get our own place. And in many ways I want to, but then again I don’t. I’ve been stressing about it forever now, and every time we go look at a place, I’m happy and at the time I feel like I want to -- but once I sit down and think about it, I start worrying to the point where I’m making myself sick.

    I’ve tried weighing the pro’s and con’s about everything, but no matter how calm I may appear, inside I’m freaking the fuck out. It also doesn’t help that when my mom talks to me about it, she ends up saying things like “I don’t know what I’m going to do when your gone.” and “what is Justin going to do? He‘s going to miss you.” [Justin’s my cat, which really is my mom’s but he’s more attached to me than anyone else in the house.]

    I try talking to my lovey about my worries and how I‘m feeling, ya know get some kinda of support or reassurance and he gets mad because he really wants to do this, and he thinks I don’t. No one completely understands where I’m coming from and how I feel. They’re all to busy think about themselves, about how our moving is going to make them feel, or how our staying is making them unhappy.

    I’m not good at dealing with this type of shit. I don’t know how much more I can take of these before I finally lose it. I got into a huge fight with my lovey last night and told him to do what ever he wants, and I’ll just go along for the ride. But that’s not what I really want. I want to be able to want this, but there’s just so much stuff bothering me, I just can’t be happy about doing it.

    Where I’m at now is safe, and comfortable and I don’t think I can take the change. I feel horrible, because I know I should be happy to finally move out -- I know I should want a place of my own, where I can do whatever I want when ever I want. I don’t know … I don’t think I can accurately explain how this makes me feel. All I know is that I can’t take anymore of this.

    This is all making me so utterly depressed, I feel like screaming.

    I can’t handle this.
  2. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    You have ever right to be freaking out about moving out.Everyone freaks out about moving out from "home".But after a couple weeks or so ur new place will feel as safe as home.When i moved out i was feeling the safe as you but a friend said to me that home is always gunna be there.if things fall through you can always go back.and for some reason i took that to heart and i took moving out as a risk that i can jump feet first in.And if things mess up ill just go back home.but my situation is kinda different than yours so.

    I think ,and this is just me a guy that doesn't know emotions like women do, that maybe like you said out of stress to your other to just go along with the ride.and try your hardest to leave the worrying to the wind.cause i think somewhere inside you actuly want to move out.but thats just me take anything i say with a grain of salt.
  3. Firstly, change of most any kind can often be a challenge for most people. It’s natural to be wary of the unknown and unfamiliar. It was a positive thing for you to actually write out a list of pros and cons! Not many people take the time or trouble to do this!!

    But I feel I must say that several things struck me in what you wrote. The first line about *him* deciding…and then you later telling him that you ‘abdicate’ from making the decision yourself. My dear, this will obviously affect you greatly – so you should have all the say in the matter that you feel you must. It’s not helpful or healthy, for you or the relationship to have others make decisions for you. And it will not make things “easier” or better down the road.

    I don’t want to sound like I’m assuming anything, but if you’re already having difficulties communicating about important issues, maybe that’s something you ought to look at in more depth. Or you may choose a time when you are both ‘relaxed’ and calm to discuss this. Both parties ought to be able to understand each other’s positions. It might also help for you to write it down and have him read your issues/concerns if you find it hard to speak. But definitely, communication is a must, for your sake. Furthermore, there shouldn’t be “an expiry date” on this decision – though of course you don’t want to draw it out too long. And if you are already being given ‘ultimatums’ so quickly and readily, that is another concern you ought to look at within the relationship.

    As for you Mom, it rather made me smile a bit (though I know it’s not funny to you), but Moms can often be like that – second nature, I guess. And I know it’s not “fair” in the least!! But it’s par for the course. It sounds very much like instead of her coming out and saying that *she’s* going to miss you, she turns it on the cat! Look, from all I know, cats are far better at adjusting than most humans are!!! And far more forgiving! And after all, it’s not like you’ll never see the creature again! So try your best to take it/her with a grain of salt. It’s a change for her too…

    All in all, I hope you don’t “freak out” for too much longer and simply take the time that you need (and that no one is in a position to deny you) in order to sort through some of these things… :smile:
  4. Forsaken Heretic

    Forsaken Heretic Well-Known Member

    @ Earn -- Right now I'm trying to go with the flow, because I do want to move out -- I just got to stop thinking about everything in bad terms and find the good and focus on that instead. I mean it is a good thing I'm moving out, and when we were just thinking about moving, I was happy. I don't know, I'm feeling a bit better today about it, but I know that my mood may soon change and I'll be back to hating the idea. I hope it doesn't though.

    I guess I feel a bit better because everyone's not talking about it. I get some time to let my mind rest and not constantly have "moving" on my mind. So I'm just trying to relax.

    Thanks for the advice Earn, I really appreciate it.

    @ FAL -- I really appreciate your point of view, I read this last night, but didn't get a chance to reply. I did speak with my lovey last night about everything. He finally admitted that everything was stressing him out as well, and that's why he snapped. He didn't mean to, but everything was getting to him. He also told me that he feels like he's forcing me into this, when that's not his intentions. He really wants to move, [for many reasons] but he doesn't want me to be unhappy about it.

    I also told him that this is a big step for me, and that I've always have problems adjusting to new things. I told him that there may be tears involved in this whole things, but it IS something I want to do, I'm just scared. He knows how close my relationship is with my mother, [no matter how insane she makes me] and this is a big step.

    He reassured me that this isn't going to happen over night, and theres going to be a lot of paper work and other things to sort out -- and I will have time to adjust. I know it was wrong to tell him I don't care what he does, I'll just do it. I still think he knows damn well I could never keep my mouth shut about something like that, no matter how fed up I was becoming over the issue. I talked with my mother this morning, and she seems a little better about the subject. She told me she was sorry, and she realized she wasn't making this any easier on me. We had a long talk, and everything seems better now.

    So I guess for now everything is ok. I'm trying to relax and only think about the good things that will come from us moving. And believe me, the good out weights the bad when I really think about it. Sometimes I just get so caught up focusing on the bad things, it's hard for me to see the good.

    Thanks again.
  5. OMFG!!!!!

    You know what THAT means, don't you?? :blink:

    You're one of US!!!!


    (I'm so glad you got to clear the air since you wrote. What a great night & day!!) :biggrin:
  6. Forsaken Heretic

    Forsaken Heretic Well-Known Member

    Well being human sucks ass. Why do we always have to see the bad picture before for the good? We make life harder on ourselves. Grrrr. :laugh:

    I think I'd rather be an alien.
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