I feel like shit. Complete and total shit. Last month my lovey decided it was time for us to move out, and get our own place. And in many ways I want to, but then again I don’t. I’ve been stressing about it forever now, and every time we go look at a place, I’m happy and at the time I feel like I want to -- but once I sit down and think about it, I start worrying to the point where I’m making myself sick. I’ve tried weighing the pro’s and con’s about everything, but no matter how calm I may appear, inside I’m freaking the fuck out. It also doesn’t help that when my mom talks to me about it, she ends up saying things like “I don’t know what I’m going to do when your gone.” and “what is Justin going to do? He‘s going to miss you.” [Justin’s my cat, which really is my mom’s but he’s more attached to me than anyone else in the house.] I try talking to my lovey about my worries and how I‘m feeling, ya know get some kinda of support or reassurance and he gets mad because he really wants to do this, and he thinks I don’t. No one completely understands where I’m coming from and how I feel. They’re all to busy think about themselves, about how our moving is going to make them feel, or how our staying is making them unhappy. I’m not good at dealing with this type of shit. I don’t know how much more I can take of these before I finally lose it. I got into a huge fight with my lovey last night and told him to do what ever he wants, and I’ll just go along for the ride. But that’s not what I really want. I want to be able to want this, but there’s just so much stuff bothering me, I just can’t be happy about doing it. Where I’m at now is safe, and comfortable and I don’t think I can take the change. I feel horrible, because I know I should be happy to finally move out -- I know I should want a place of my own, where I can do whatever I want when ever I want. I don’t know … I don’t think I can accurately explain how this makes me feel. All I know is that I can’t take anymore of this. This is all making me so utterly depressed, I feel like screaming. I can’t handle this.