Appointments and Diagnosis

[GoldenPsych]

Well, went for appointment at hospital today at the Psychological bit. Saw the guy that I quite liked. They are trying to say I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder - this is basically Borderline Personality Disorder and that it is not depression that we are dealing with. I really don't think I do. I have read lots on it and although I do use cutting as a coping technique I don't really match any of the other symptoms.
I said that I felt as though I was up and down which is true but the down bits last longer than the up bits and can last a few days at a time and the BPD is basically saying that will only exerience a few hours at a time of anxiety and feeling low. Any way he said to me today to read up on personality disorders and I am going back to see him at the end of July. If I didn't think it was me then I would see the Psychiatrist again and see what she thinks. I have read up on it...the websites he gave me and also a couple of psychiatry journal articles.

Some of the things that BPD traits are are that there may be signs in childhood (of which there was none), and there are loads others but if you google it you will find loads on there. Also wat I don't understand is I was coping with the depression for over a year before I tried to kill myself. That was a year of feeling low all the time - surly that is depression and not PD. Maybe recently I have expressed more of the symptoms but not before so there is obviously the depression there.

So they still want me to go to that group thing, they said that counselling obviously isn't working as I am still making suicide attempts, same with medication and that they can't offer long term from the hospital so I should go. I also said I didn;t like the group thing but he said well being as though single thing hasn't really helped it is something to try. But I seriously dont think I do have a PD so that wont be of any use. So what do I do. I mentioned I hadn't taken pills in 3 weeks and said that I had not noticed a difference. He said that if that is the case then dont go back to doc to get more I should wait until I see him again in 4 weeks and see how things are then. My BF has said in the last 3 weeks my moods have been more unstable and I have been emotional but I am not sure if that is cos my cycle is really messed up at the moment. Been given some pills for that so I will know in the next week or so if it is that. I haven't noticed feeling any different but the BF has.

So, it is just wait and see at the moment -

I am craving chinese food tonight - my brother is coming over though with Pizza and Wine so bang goes chinese - saves me money - maybe tomorrow though.

 

[gentlelady]

Have you tried group before? Even if you don't think you fit the diagnosis they gave you, maybe the psych sees something you don't. Some people find group very helpful even though they weren't comfortable with it to begin with. It might be worth the effort. If your BF has noticed a difference in your moods since going off of them, then maybe they were helping. Sometimes we are the last to know. I would say that you shouldn't hold back on trying new suggestions because just maybe one of them will work and it might be the one you least expect. :hug:

 

[Insignificant]

not good to stop the meds. when i stopped my meds two months ago i felt basically the same however i ended up in the hospital for six weeks. please go for some meds. if your boyfriend is noticing the difference then believe me there is one. if you're like me you're not crazy about the meds, but it's good to have some stability. please take care

 

[Stranger1]

I personally don't like groups. Thefirst one I went to, I told them that I only wanted to listen to decide if it was for me. Well everyone said there names and what brought them there. After I gave my name, they just attacked me from all sides. asking me question after question. I just freaked out and left. my sister was sitting outside waiting for me. She said that didn't last very long. So I told her what happened she didn't say anything after that.
So I found another group that met at the hospital. I went several times and was starting to open up a little when this woman in there said my thoughts were unacceptable. The therapist didn't say a word to her. I was panicking so I couldn't think of anything to say to her. I told my therapist what happened and she said she would like to meet this woman so she could bitchslap her. So I never went back again. I'm not saying to not go, just be carefull. And remember there is a door so if you panick you can get up and leave...:chopper:...

 

[GoldenPsych]

I know what everyone is saying. The thing is I dont talk to people about my feelings so there is no way I will be able to open up in a group. The know I dont do talking so why they think that would be good for me who knows. The best thing I find is coming on here and getting all of it out. He told me not to go on forums and blogs... when he 1st told me back in spetember he said as people encourage you and people are really nasty about things. I was feeling really bad about it everything at the time and was looking for support to carry through with ending everything - i just google suicide forum and this is what came up. But I have had nothing but support from here. and I am glad i came across this.
xx

 

[dazzle11215]

i think groups can help break that sense of isolation we sometimes get, that feeling that nobody can understand what we are going through. i like it here on SF, too, i have recieved so much help when i desperately needed it.

maybe a group will be like SF... just in real life? i agree with gentlelady... why not keep trying different things until you find the combo of things that work best for you. it's worth a shot. me, i tried art therapy - ONCE - and never again!!! speaking of, if you don't like to talk maybe art therapy might be good for you?

 

[GoldenPsych]

Art therapy - pahhh! I am on the most uncreative person in the world and would only get so frustrated about it as I am so crap at art and dont have a creastive bone in my body.

I am really against this group thing, sorry but it is really not for me. Spoke to BF about it earlier and he asked me how it went. I told him about what they want me to do and what they have diagnosed and told him what I thought. I think it is that they just want to label it as something so they can palm me off somewhere else.

I only have to wait another month til I go back anyway!

 

[~Claire]

Group stuff isn't for everyone. I have never tried it but I find it hard to open up in front on just 1 person let alone a whole group

I'm sorry I don't know your history hun but is there anyway you can request a 2nd opinion?

((hugs))

 

[downunder]

I think it depends on how the group runs. I go to a support group for people who have had a child die. They go around the room and everyone gets to have their say, no one is allowed to interrupt.

Interesting what you said about the counselling as I go to counselling and do feel better afterwards, but I still make attempts. I even made an attempt the very next day.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I dont think that I do have a PD. I told my bf to look at the stuff on it and he said there is some smptoms but not all so possibly not. I am going to ask to speak to doc again next time I go so will see what happens then.

 

[SweetSurrender]

Hey Golden, sorry i'm a bit late in getting to this. I just wanted to say that it might be useful to keep an open mind about Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had a possible diagnosis of this so i know a bit about it, and i know others with it and just so you know you don't have to tick every box to have it - just like with depression you don't have to have all the symptoms to be clinically depressed. The scary thing about BPD is that it is a personality disorder so medication doesn't really help it, meds can treat the symptoms but not the root cause of it. Also you can feel that because you have no 'mental illness' that you are flawed in some way but that is not the case! I know i felt like this when i first started researching it. I don't think there is any reason to believe you are not depressed also but alot of the symptoms of depression are similar to BPD. Plus not all people with BPD have had a childhood trauma like what we'd all assume a trauma to be e.g. abuse...there are other things that can be the cause of it - i know bullying is one of them.
I understand that you may feel that the drs are fobbing your off with this diagnosis (and you certainly don't want this, but i think drs are actually wary of diagnosing BPD sometimes) but even if you feel there are some aspects that seem to correlate with you this may suggest areas to concentrate on in counselling/group sessions. This is how i looked at it anyway. I don't think i have BPD but there are definately areas i need to work on, one of them being the whole abandoment issue. The best thing about BPD is that you can change, it can get better with some hard work!
Just wanted to give you a bit more info about the disorder and i hope it is helpful in some way :smile: Sorry its all rambled in together. I should have used paragraphs :wink: