Well, went for appointment at hospital today at the Psychological bit. Saw the guy that I quite liked. They are trying to say I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder - this is basically Borderline Personality Disorder and that it is not depression that we are dealing with. I really don't think I do. I have read lots on it and although I do use cutting as a coping technique I don't really match any of the other symptoms. I said that I felt as though I was up and down which is true but the down bits last longer than the up bits and can last a few days at a time and the BPD is basically saying that will only exerience a few hours at a time of anxiety and feeling low. Any way he said to me today to read up on personality disorders and I am going back to see him at the end of July. If I didn't think it was me then I would see the Psychiatrist again and see what she thinks. I have read up on it...the websites he gave me and also a couple of psychiatry journal articles. Some of the things that BPD traits are are that there may be signs in childhood (of which there was none), and there are loads others but if you google it you will find loads on there. Also wat I don't understand is I was coping with the depression for over a year before I tried to kill myself. That was a year of feeling low all the time - surly that is depression and not PD. Maybe recently I have expressed more of the symptoms but not before so there is obviously the depression there. So they still want me to go to that group thing, they said that counselling obviously isn't working as I am still making suicide attempts, same with medication and that they can't offer long term from the hospital so I should go. I also said I didn;t like the group thing but he said well being as though single thing hasn't really helped it is something to try. But I seriously dont think I do have a PD so that wont be of any use. So what do I do. I mentioned I hadn't taken pills in 3 weeks and said that I had not noticed a difference. He said that if that is the case then dont go back to doc to get more I should wait until I see him again in 4 weeks and see how things are then. My BF has said in the last 3 weeks my moods have been more unstable and I have been emotional but I am not sure if that is cos my cycle is really messed up at the moment. Been given some pills for that so I will know in the next week or so if it is that. I haven't noticed feeling any different but the BF has. So, it is just wait and see at the moment - I am craving chinese food tonight - my brother is coming over though with Pizza and Wine so bang goes chinese - saves me money - maybe tomorrow though.