Well, I just recently got approved for disability...I am relieved, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that my feelings of relief are turning into a way of self loathing.
I look at my friends, friends from high school, people I went to school with in general, they are all successful...Teachers, working for a production company, working with 3D animation, military, moving out of state to live in big cities...And here I am, broke, working at mcdonalds, and on disability...
I truly feel that I am no normal 24 year old, and it really deeply saddens me. All my life I had dreams of becoming a singer, or teacher, artist, whatever, and here I am, working at mcdonalds with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective, and hearing and feeling things that aren't there, going to doctors appointments, never going to school, ultimate failure. People my age are usually college grads, working on their masters' and doing the trade of their dreams...I'm working at mcdonalds and receiving government assitance, and I just want to me a normal kid/adult.
I want to be able to have fun on my own hard earned money, and live off my hard earned money...I am relieved I'm getting help, but at the same time, I feel like it's a slap in the face with a big sticker on my forehead that says "DISABLED" in bold uppercase characters, and that I'm frowned upon. I'm not even going to tell anyone anymore about it...I'm done. I'm ashamed.
I hate this. I want to work and be proud of myself...
I look at my friends, friends from high school, people I went to school with in general, they are all successful...Teachers, working for a production company, working with 3D animation, military, moving out of state to live in big cities...And here I am, broke, working at mcdonalds, and on disability...
I truly feel that I am no normal 24 year old, and it really deeply saddens me. All my life I had dreams of becoming a singer, or teacher, artist, whatever, and here I am, working at mcdonalds with a diagnosis of Schizoaffective, and hearing and feeling things that aren't there, going to doctors appointments, never going to school, ultimate failure. People my age are usually college grads, working on their masters' and doing the trade of their dreams...I'm working at mcdonalds and receiving government assitance, and I just want to me a normal kid/adult.
I want to be able to have fun on my own hard earned money, and live off my hard earned money...I am relieved I'm getting help, but at the same time, I feel like it's a slap in the face with a big sticker on my forehead that says "DISABLED" in bold uppercase characters, and that I'm frowned upon. I'm not even going to tell anyone anymore about it...I'm done. I'm ashamed.
I hate this. I want to work and be proud of myself...