Are being shy, reserved, not social etc negative qualities ?

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by OutCaste, Dec 26, 2012.

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  1. OutCaste

    OutCaste Well-Known Member

    Every time there is a shooting, you can almost tell that there will be a news article mentioning how these kids have the same traits - shy , reserved, didn't speak much, didn't have a facebook , stared down while walking etc. I just feel very sick in the stomach because every time I read about people who do these horrible things, I find that I share many traits with them. Ofcourse except the desire to harm anyone. I'm seeing an increasing number of voices online that are saying that such 'wierdos' should be isolated , monitored and looked upon with suspicion. Really scares me of the future in case this does become a reality. I already have such a hard time going about my daily business, everyone just assumes you are hostile to them if you don't talk too much or have some barrier.
  2. 3.141592654

    3.141592654 Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't worry about it too much. A couple of years ago the killer was always someone who played violent video games. But then apparently the media caught wind of the fact that almost all young men occasionally play those games and the "shy" profile became the new killer cliche.

    Having said that, I do think us introverts run a higher risk of having pent up rage, whereas "normal" people find it easier to vent it.
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I have to agree with 3.141592654 on all counts. Heck, when I was younger it was Ozzy Osbourn records that were blamed for things. :)

    We see blame in these shootings being focused too on guns and "gun control," yet every child these days grows up killing people violently in video games. Why not focus on reducing the violence in games? Banning guns is not even close to the answer (though stricter controls can never hurt). If someone wants something bad enough, they'll get it. If that was not true, then making drugs illegal would keep them off the streets, right? :)

    I do think that more focus and funding needs to go into the mental health care system though. They always say, "The shooter was mentally ill," well duh... That doesn't mean their mental illness is the same as other people's illness, or even if it is similar, it does not mean everyone reacts the same. Even medications for various mental health conditions can and do cause potential issues (almost every drug advertised these days carries the "may cause thoughts of suicide" warning).

    Instead of just the pointing of the fingers and the negative stereotyping, I hope these things may sometimes lead to better awareness leading to better programs and focus/funding.
  4. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    people will always look for stereotypes to blame. it's just the way it is, because it's easier to pin the blame on something or someone else than it is to you know, properly evaluate the situation and other factors that are involved.

    i'm quite a shy person, given a choice, but i have learned how to put my shyness aside when the need arises. but, there's nothing wrong with being shy and introverted.

  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Nothing at all wrong with a preference for introversion, as long as like TDM you tune into when you have to flick the switch occasionally for others' sakes. Extraversion was all I knew and thought was normal, until I married my husband who is a confirmed introvert - and yes, we've had issues..... but at least it meant our children grew up appreciating there were different ways to view life and make choices :)
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I fit the traits that you mentioned, but the only person I would ever hurt is myself. I think shy and introverted people may sometimes be seen as odd, which is stupid. For example, I'm a fun and friendly person, but I distance myself from people, and act awkwardly around them. But there's nothing at all wrong with being reserved.
  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm am reserved and need a lot of time alone, without sound or conversation. I'm 56 years old and I've been this way all my life. I use to be shy too. When I was a kid, a person like me was said to be "melancholy." I thought it to be a beautiful word.

    In spite of all this, I raised two daughters while working full time as an accounting clerk.

    As for shooters, there is more going on than the public ever gets to know. Try not to worry, rather live each day as full as you can, even if you do it quiet and solitary more often than not.
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    One clear indicator of whether someone is a sociopath is whether or not s/he has empathy...the fact that you care how your personality traits may play out in real life means you care very much which means these profiles do not apply to you
  9. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    As everyone as said, don't let that get to you. The media loves to dramatise things and create a background, and the public love a stereotype. A lot of outgoing people just don't understand shy people.

    You know you are not a nasty person and would never do something like that.
  10. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't trust anything the media really says to be honest. They are as shallow as the next gossiper. All they do is find points and lay them out in bullet form really.

    We've progressed alot, especially in our "understanding" of how things have happened in the past, and how we explain the events that lead to certain situations. Take any war, tragic event, or whatever, and there will be this progressive timeline of bulletform events that help outsiders understand the overall situation. Or so they think. These highlighted events are decent for explaining the next series of events, or how a bunch of small events can lead to one major event. But just because A B and C have happened doesn't mean a particular major event is going to transpire. Just because someone does the exact samethings as someone else, does not mean they will move in the same overall direction.
    The media goes haywire because they think they know. And they'll continue to fumble and predict by emphasising certain events that appear to be fundamental to certain tragic events. It's what they do, and they are extremely well versed in speaking on the same fluid lines as their society. They know which buttons to press, which events to highlight, because they know that it will tickle most people. No two people are alike. It's not just the major events, it's what that person puts into those situations. Be it their conscious and subconsious thoughts, their reactions to anything around them... The actions are indeed a very important aspect, but they are by far the determining factors. All these bullet points are, are the things society can see. They don't see what goes into these actions. They just see 100 actions and instead of realising there is a vast amount that goes into each action, they tie these actions together and claim these are a preset to something more dangerous.

    It's a child trying to understand chaos. They'll say anything that sounds good, or that "makes" sense, then conclude they have the authority to define and state this is the do all and end all. The media lives in events and actions, but not so much into what truly goes into these events. I would say, don't allow them to contaminate how you feel or the things in your life. The media has about as much depth as their 5 minute presentations.

    Btw, sometimes the media does an ample job at trying to highlight the worst in these people (or so they think) to help seperate these sorts of people from the rest of us. Again.. it's a child trying to appease a situation by lying and doing all the wrong things, but maybe for the best of intentions. Hardly a source you want for the truth. No matter how much information they spew about this person, they'll never know. Nor will anyone, not even his mother, or anyone else who knew him. It's a fact that people don't like so they conviently disassociate with and associate with the garbage being broadcasted on tv because it gives them comfort. Which allows it spread like a wildfire of trends. The media's message should always be about trying to give people unbiased facts, but when it comes to the physiological state of another person, they have to be extremely delicate. Because as you have truly stated, many people harbor these general traits and feelings. But just because some of these traits are in others, the collaboration and history that has brought them about in us does not make us the same, nor is it a prediction on a future for another. The media's just lashing back at the end result and childishly attacking things that this particular person has in his life. I think they feel it's better to steamroll a situation to create a fixed position than to let the mind wonder and questions arise. Better to overstimulate and burn it out by any means possible then... approach these situations from a more true point of view.

    tbh... it's a horrible event. Fear and rage do get quelled in awkward ways. Sometimes quite destructively in the long run.
    It's just crap.. trust me. You have nothing to worry about, not when it comes to association with this stuff. Be yourself, don't let a tied up conclusion about another cause you to doubt who you are.
  11. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    I love the special kind of idiocy that states that those who create problems for society, through warped emotions and behaviors born from constantly feeling like an outcast, should be further isolated from society. It's no wonder so many people turn to hatred when they are met with such unashamed indifference.
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