are we destined to split up?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by whybother?, Feb 3, 2008.

  1. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    well its me again, not many ppl replied to my old thread so heres the situation explained in more detail


    right i live 120 miles away from my gf that i met on here, ive said that i wanted to move closer to her, she said that i shud get sum experience living here by myself before i move far away from friends and family , yup thats fine just 1 thing , ive done sum adding up , it'll take me 4 years to 3800 which still wouldnt be enough to move , im really sick and bored talkin to her on msn , its really samey , i love her so much before any1 gets the wrong idea. so 4 years + on msn aint gonna do much for our relationship , if by sum miracle our relationship does survive the 4 years , and i do have the money the move their , she thinks that we'll get sick of each other and split,

    so its either

    1. get my own place and spend 4-5 years on msn gettin pist off and fedup and being really bored and end up splitting

    OR

    2. after the 4-5 years on msn and sumhow not split , move closer to her and split ...

    oh yea just wanna make this clear , if we split , i do intend on takin my own life


    and yes we have spoken about this , several times now , and we ALWAYS end up in this horrible situation , so do we even have a future together?

    i proberly didnt explain the whole we gettin annoyed of each other in great detail , right she cant spend a day with sum1 without gettin annoyed (apart from her family), she doesnt mean it ina nasty way , just the way she is


    not expecting many replies :sad:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2008
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your in a sticky situation. Well there's no way to know for sure if you two will split by the time your able to move their. If you move their and it ends then you'll be on your own over there not to mention having spent money to get there in the first place. Also the fact that she even mentioned it might be over by that time is a strong indicator.

    But you could perhaps be friends for now and if you two still feel the same way 2-3 years later then go for it. At the moment you are most likely gonna be very hurt.
     
  3. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    we both love each other alot so being friends will be very hard, i dont think we'll be together in the future :sad:

    i can see wat ur saying, but i dont wanna spend the next 2-3 years on here doin the same borin thing every nite. i wanna move their , movin their will cause problems , not movin their will cause problems , ive tried to like come half way , i move their but only see her like once a month , their for i get to see her , and she only see's me a day so she doesnt get annoyed , but shes determined that i stay here for 4 years by myself so i can have experience
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey Nigel! Sorry to hear you and Hazi are still having problems... Reading your post (and previous posts about this issue), you don't seem very optimistic about the future and things need to change.. and fast.. because at this rate, things are not going to work.

    When you said, "im really sick and bored talkin to her on msn", to me, that sounds pretty bad. I'm in a distance relationship myself, and my previous relationship was long distance, so I really do understand where you're coming from with all this, but I'm wondering how you think things are going to change once you and Hazi move in together? Do you think you'd get sick and bored of her then?

    You don't need to be in a routine every night, have you considered using a program like Skype? I was going to say chat on the phone but then realised that could turn out expensive and Skype is a good alternative. You could also play interactive games together, send e-cards or even write each other letters and send them to each other via snail mail.

    I hope everything works out for you and Hazi, and I'm sorry if I came across as a little harsh in my reply - not my intention - just my thoughts! :hug:
     
  5. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    hiya :) 1st of nah ur reply didnt seem nasty or anything and thanx for replying!

    well i do go on mic with her , but her laptop isnt the greatest bless her , i even bought her a mic , but the laptop just wont have it, i even got my dad who owns a pc shop to take her thru it to setup the mic, still it wouldnt work, id love to mic chat with her tho,

    shes got a webcam but the lightin (i dont think she has electric , all candles lmao) it looks like shes in pitchblack , even wen she puts the brightness up on webcam i cant see her :S

    yea we did use to play the old msn games , but now im ona new net connection my mum and dad are on the same connection as me , and they play online games so wen i play the msn games it causes them ''lag'' (not enough bandwith causes their games to screw up in other words)

    and we did also use to send each other letters the old way, but i just never know wat to write these days , done all the soppy stuff , theirs nothin much else to write about

    i really do love her , but like u said, if things stay like they are , we aint gonna be together for much longer , like i said , moment we split is the moment i will kill myself , a day knowin im not with her is a day in hell
     
  6. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    wow .. that's a harsh thing to say, but I would have said the same thing when I followed religion .. couldn't imagine life without it. But now I live quite happily without it, although I went to hell and back first of all.
    I hope your relationship survives. But seriously, to rely on another human being like that is not fair on her. Why do you think life would be hell without her?
     
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Why do you need 4 years of experience before moving over there. Experience isn't measured by length of time but by what you learn and go through.
     
  8. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    4 years becuz thats the time it will take for me to save up to move closer to her IF i get my own place here then move their

    and reason why id kill myself if we split is becuz i just cant imagine life without her , the pain wud be un bearable , yea i know its unfair on her but i cant help the way i feel about her , suicide wud be bliss compared to the torture and pain id go through if we split
     
  9. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    If she knows this, then thats a huge amount of pressure to put on a relationship, if I were her I would say the same thing, if she really loves, what else could she possibly say, if you move in with her today and split up, you kill yourself, thats a huge gamble, so hell yeah, I would say exactly what she has said, because she has feeling for you, this way you are almost definately going to be around on this earth for another 4 years, the other options could end up in you not being here tomorrow, so of course that what she thinks you should do, because she want to keep you safe for the next 4 years, sounds like a pretty good plan from her point of view, given the other options.

    As much as you and I for that matter may want someone to love us completely and with out an reguard for anything else, you just can't force it like that and say love me or I will kill myself, thats just not fair, it lewves the other person very few options and from my experience they last thing any relationship needs is one person putting huge amount of pressure on the other person, that in its self can cause a break up, which is the last thing either person really wants.

    If you truely do love her, then why not tell her you'll do what ever it takes to try and make things work out, 120 miles what that a 3 hour drive, not got a car, then save up and get one, spend weekends together, stop in a motel if you have to, see her in small chuncks, get used to each others company, ask her to show you the round the town, her favorite places, a guided tour if you like, do the things she likes to do, not because you like doing them, but because seeing her happy makes you happy, that sort of thing

    It hard I know, but try and stay focused on the good things about your relationship, the things that make you both happy, have fun times together, if you can do that, the rest will follow naturaly and if it doesn't, you still love her, would you really want to hurt her that much by harming yourself, inflicting the pain you are feeling right now, on the one person you love most in the world

    That can't be the way to go can it, not if you really do love her.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2008
  10. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    hey their Fatman1966

    yes i know its ALOT of pressure on wen i said id kill myself , but i really cant think of living knowing shes not with me, i just couldnt bare the pain.

    id LOVE to see her like u mentioned but i have a full time job and shes got college and works saturdays and sundays , leaving not even 1 day free to go see her :( , seeing her makes me the happiest person alive but knowin im not gonna see her for 4 years isnt a nice thought :( i havn't seen her for over a year , and now ive got to wait another 4 years? even the summer holidays shes gettin a full time job so thats out of the question. but yea if waiting 4 years only to move their and split tho, like i mentioned she doesnt like being with any1 for more than a day apart from family , im her fiance and she said she'd get annoyed with me , i dont take it offensivly cuz i know she dont want us to split thats why she doesnt want me to move , but wat happens after the 4 years ive got money saved up and ready to move only to find she still cant spend a day with sum1 :( means for 4 years ive had my hopes up , scraped all my money together looking forward to finally moving closer to her only to be shot down. shes coming online tonite so im gonna have a word with her tonite, keep ya posted

    thank you for ur reply , its made me think