Are We Selfish…

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by x, Aug 4, 2008.

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  1. x

    x Active Member

    I feel so ashamed of my suicidal feelings, I wont bore you all with yet an other lengthy post about what is making me sad, but it can be summarized as...

    • Sexually abused as a child,
    • Estranger from my family for four years,
    • Facing disciplinery action at work which may lead to a dismissal

    Part of me feels that I have a right to be depressed about the thingts that have happened to me. But an even larger part of me feels ashamed to even consider doing something that would cause so much pain to my family, friends and students. I sometimes feel sick with worry about how my students and friends would take the news that I had killed myself….I feel like a complete coward.

    I work it a quite deprived inner city area, many of my students are refugees from places like Somalia and have endured the most terrible things, many have been homeless or lost parents in wars yet they have found the strength and courage to endure. Other students have come from broken homes and have been the victims of abuse or have alcoholic/drug addict parents and are forced to care for their parents as well as four or five younger siblings and the tender age of just eleven. Yet they find the strength to endure.

    So something that makes me feel even more sick is when I read threads about people wanting to kill themselves because they are physically ugly or because they are board with life. I just feel stunned by a thread I read today in which a person was looking for a pretty girl to enter into a suicide pact with because they wanted their final day to be ‘perfect’

    I’m not saying everyone on here is selfish, I have read many threads by people who are in abusive relationships and have no way out and by people with similarly sever problems. But I feel many of us on here, my self included, should just feel ashamed of contemplating suicide.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2010
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That thread was mine :biggrin:

    It's all relative.
    You could be abused your whole life and come out stronger.
    Or you could have a completely "normal" childhood with everything you could ever ask for and wind up suicidal.
    I don't think people are selfish for suicidal thinking. And I think that usually only worsens the suicidal thinking.
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    it isnt until you have chronic physical pain that you start appreciating life, unfortunatly some people have to find out the hard way, even me, I wish I could go back about 12 days
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I dont think anyone is selfish for feeling so much pain that they feel death is the only way out.
    Sorry you have been thru so much. Pm me if you wana talk :D
  5. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    I agree it's all relative. There was a guy who was paralyzed for a year because of a virus. After he could walk again, he got depression years later. He said the depression was worse than being paralyzed.

    Of course, it's easier to treat depression than paralysis, but I digress...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2008
  6. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    We are no more or less selfish than any other people.
  7. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I would never call someone with a painful physical condition "selfish", so why someone who hurt so much that they wish to take their own life?

    Just because pain cannot be seen or treated well by a doctor does not mean it is not there. We decide what pain means to us.
  8. x

    x Active Member

    Because by doing so, rather than fighting on, they cause unimaginable pain to their freinds, family and in my case students
  9. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with you. It depends on the person and how they cope with things. Sometimes I see homeless people and people that seem to have nothing. Then I look at my life and I'm not homeless. I have a good paying job and a place to stay and a brand new car. I think to myself..."What the f*&( is wrong with me?
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Suicidal feelings are real. They are an illness caused by many different things. Mine are because I live with augoriphobia, socialphobia, irrational thoughts, major mood swings, depression, anxiety, And one my doc told me today major paranoia. I have lived in my bedroom for the last 14 years. No physical interaction. I have no friends except the ones I have met here on the forum. If it wasn't for my sister taking me in years ago I would most definitely be dead. I have learned in therapy that I should not feel down on myself for having those thoughts. The thing is I am not acting on them.I work very hard at therapy, taking my meds as prescribed, and seeing my doctor every three months. I still Isolate myself when I am home. A year ago you couldn't get me to leave the house!! Now thru therapy I am able to go to certain places where I won't have a panic attack. So don't tell me i am selfish until you have lived my life for the next 14 years and we will see what you have to say then!!!!
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    We all have different levels of what we can tolerate. i don't know what makes the differences in our constitutions, but something sure does. Something very insignificant to one person, might be cause for thoughts of suicide to another. It does not make either persons feelings wrong, or less significant. There probably is a small bit of selfishness associated with suiciding. Does that mean someone should be considered selfish or be blamed for their feelings? I don't think so. Please do whatever it takes to stay safe. You are worth it. :hug:
  12. Ediciussievol

    Ediciussievol Well-Known Member

    Probably a value from a belief system. Which isn't a bad thing. It's probably kept me alive.

    I keep going in the hope that someday I'll learn to do the things that shape my reality and undo what was done to me by living well.

    Day at a time... It's all our story to write... want a happy ending?
  13. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That's because having things will never make a person happy. It doesn't matter whether you're on the streets in the same clothes you've been in for 10 months, or in a mansion with everything you could possibly dream of. The homeless man can still be happier.
  14. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    I completely understand what you're saying, but we're all born and bred with different amounts of strength and toleration. I am one of those that wants to kill myself because I am ugly, well that's just one of the reasons and also the main reason. I suffer with a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder you see and I imagine that everybody is looking at and judging me by my hideous and grotesque appearance. The most difficult and frustrating part of this is that I've been told that I am really good looking and could easily model by many people and I've had many lovers over the years that have found me attractive, but I still can't get it into my head that I can continue living whilst looking like this. I feel that I look completely different to everybody else, that I look like an alien and that everywhere I go people are pointing and laughing at how different and ugly I look.

    When those kinds of thoughts are racing around in your head all day every day and keeping you awake at nights, suicidal thoughts are only natural. And that's before taking all my other problems into consideration.

    I've put myself in the position of people in third world and war torn countries a lot over the years, it must be unbearable for them. But that doesn't take anything away from my problems. I lose just as much sleep at nights worrying about all my problems as they do, probably even moreso.

    I have no family left apart from my mother. My father, all four grandparents, my sister are all deceased. I have no friends that I could trust or count on for anything worthwhile and I have no girlfriend currently, so if I were to take my own life, my mother would literally be the only person that would attend my funeral. She's the only one that I worry about if I were to take my own life and she's aging anyway.

    I agree, it does sound pathetic and it makes no sense at all to want to kill yourself over what seems like minor problems when so many are suffering with what everyone would consider real problems, but only the sufferer can know how truly tormented he/she is. There are many things in life that make little or no sense, but nobody has extreme thoughts for no good reason.
  15. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Im sick of reading threads about selfishness of suicide.
  16. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Of course we're selfish. Whether we realize it or not, the self is the most important person in anyone's life. It is natural and normal to be selfish and isn't something to be ashamed of.

    Of course there are elements of selflessness in everyone and that's good too. In the end, suicide is a desperate attempt to save ones self from further misery. Unfortunately, it is a delusion becuase the self does not survive death.
  17. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    no suicide is not selfish you are KILLING your SELF oh thats real SELF-ish. wats selfish is to expect people to be kept in misery to be losers who never have a chance and slave away all their life to accomplish nothing. that is wahat society does to us they are selfish. selfish and evil. they spread propaganda that suicide is selfish becahuse they dont want to loose their peons they are exploiting, the want us alive, alive and miserable for them to torment and exploit.
  18. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That may be true.
  19. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    That's a great point.
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