Are we too old to have 'parents'?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Meg_1, Oct 5, 2016.

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  1. Meg_1

    Meg_1 Member

    I wrote a post a bit earlier 'Please Help'; still struggling, still don't know if i can manage and face things and i thank the replies i did get so very much xx ….. i just want to know if any others feel similar on a particular issue (of many) -

    what does one do, if the mother you love and adore, a mother you thought you knew, turns out to be a stranger, who says you're too old to have a mother; and won't help, and enjoys a 'socialite' life, whilst their 'child' suffers alone

    i'm 47, but being struck down by severe, chronic illness and losing all my achievements after being thrown out of home at 16, she doesn't want to know me …. and one loses all their friends, because not many can cope with friends who are often too ill to get out

    are we ever too old to want your mum, a mum who cares? so many of us so desperate for that unconditional love; we hear of soldiers at war,calling out for their mothers ….

    i just don't understand, because i would never do that if i had children, which is also part of my grief, in losing that ability to have a family of my own and feeling so alone.

    So many years of pain; and all i've ever wanted to do is help others from my training ……. how can it stop when all one wants to do is feel a part of 'life', but when one feels that the only 'out' is death, especially when one doesn't want to die. the pain is unbearable and i'm so sorry to all for being a burden, for that is what i, and many of you, feel.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I do not think you are ever too old to want your mom

    Meg_1 likes this.
  3. Meg_1

    Meg_1 Member

    thank you so much, i felt/feel like i was and am nothing, for even someone so supposedly 'close' as a mum, to not want you; i found out she never wanted children yet she loves and supports my brother, who is doing well, healthy and work-wise and financially - a 'trophy' of sorts - i was a 'trophy' for awhile when succeeding, completing my doctorate and working, before being hit by severe incurable illness and landing on disability
    I want my mum, but she, the 'image' doesn't exist, so sorry
    Thank you, Hugs to you too
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Meg. I'm sorry for your situation - I think when we're not doing too well, most of us want to feel someone cares at least a little bit. *hug*

    I'm not sure if "unconditional love/mommy's nurturing and fixing things love" exists for most of us after we grow up and are adults. I would hope that familial love and concern continue, but the "fixing things love" every time life throws us a nasty curve - I'm not so sure many people get that. I'm quite sure there are many times we all would like to have it.

    I think a parent raises his or her kids with the hopes that they will become self-sufficient adults. Maybe some parents offer "help" and emotional support, but maybe not a complete solution to our situation and troubles. The unconditional love seems to happen most when people are still children/teens and cannot fend for themselves. When we are adults, we're supposed to be able to access our own mechanisms to get out of hard spots - whether that is finding work, getting medical help for health issues, learning how to meet people, and so on. Sometimes it plain sucks to be an adult, doesn't it?

    Of course, circumstances and personalities factor into how a parent parents at any stage. It sounds from what you've said that you feel your mother is not even emotionally supportive, and that is a rough go, I'm sure.

    If your mom isn't able or willing to nurture you and support you right now, perhaps look deep inside yourself and find that part of you that cares about you. Maybe you could plan out some steps and ideas for what you need and want to make life feel better, and then work on achieving things bit by bit. You have emotional support here on SF. It's not quite "in person," but it's still pretty good. Please keep us posted on how things are going. :)
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    No, you are never too old to want your Mom. Or your Dad. My Mom died 30 years ago, my Dad 28. I still miss them. My Mom's mom died when she was a child. On Mother's day no less. Even decades later my Mom would break into tears on Mother's Day. Meg, I do not understand your Mom. How she can brush you aside so. Makes me think she should never have been a mom. About two weeks ago a dear friend of mine died. She was 93. Her husband is 94. They were married for 70 years. I have recently realized that one of the reasons I love them so is because they were like parents to me. Do you know anyone like these people who might be able to help you fill that void?
  6. Gisela

    Gisela Member

    Meg, you didn't have unconditionnal love from your mom. She's showing it in her current behavior. That's the hardest thing to accept in life. We crave that love our entire life. I feel for you. Keep strong.
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