are you a serial cheat and why?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by JBird, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    So i'm just curious, i've never cheated on someone and never will yet all but 2 of my gfs/bfs have cheated on me which has made me wonder why the hell can't people stay faithful?

    I find it really simple and easy to stay faithful to the person i'm with so can someone please explain how a pathetic kiss or one night stand is more fulfilling than a happy and loving relationship?

    I'd love to hear it from a cheater/players side.
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Me too. So many people can't stay faithful and it sickens me. One night of pleasure can't be worth the damage you risk causing to your relationship, and if you don't particularly care for that relationship or any damage you could cause to it, then people should at least have the decency to break it off before they seek out other people.
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Totally agree with this.

    I wish i could actually give you a reason for people doing it but i don't really understand it myself, I've had it done to me before and i never really understood it then and still don't.

    I really don't get how people can say they are in love and want to be someone but are willing to break that trust and commitment for a mad stupid moment.

    I wouldn't say I've cheated but I did do things in my first relationship that I'm not proud of and i had my reason for it (although i do recognise i was in the wrong) but if i could go back and break it off before hand, i would. That's my biggest regret. That said, in my second relationship i had absolutely no trouble staying faithful, not one thought crossed my mind at any point so I think sometimes it can depend on the situation and the situation would have to be extreme for it to even be justified but i also think that any cheater or someone who would even let it cross their mind should not be in a relationship at all, it's not fair on the other people involved. It's a selfish thing to do.

    In a nutshell ..... some people are just arseholes and don't give a shit who they hurt?

    I know that probably doesn't help but i wanted to give you some kind of reply, wish i could give you a straight answer to your question but i suppose everyone is different and has their own reasons.

    You know where i am if you ever need to talk to someone.

    Love you loads x
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2010
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm sure we all feel the same way about cheating- but after posting over and over again about how horrible it is; do you think any person would actually feel like posting that they *are* a cheater and why they do it-- if they know why?

    I really doubt that.

    I've been in one relationship ever. Didn't ever cheat; never thought about it.
    My sister has been cheated on several times. The guy she is with now cheated on her last year, but they worked things out.

    I think that alot of people are just weak and don't want to think of the consequences of their actions. Some do it because they don't want to be in a relationship-- and some do it because they're bored.
    Who fucking knows? It's always different and always hurtful.
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Well, I've always assumed that people cheat because they are of questionable moral fiber and don't find their partner satisfying.
  6. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    I gt cheated on because he thought I was cheating n him...with 3 different people...he's also never been faithful to anyone he's been with, his dad was also unfaithful to his mom, for years before anyone found he's unsure about love and has trust issues...
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :sweat: I do not think you will find many people like that here. I would like to know as well. I can speculate though. I think there are a couple possible scenarios. I will start out with the nicest first.

    Bordem, you know things may seem great on one end or the other. However, sometimes people just get bored. I know I am bored of my roommate. I have lived with him for 2 years. He relies too much on me. Maybe they feel they are at a point where there is no mystery no intrigue. However, they do not want to give up a perfectly willing partner. So they cheat until they can find a replacement. You know it is easier to find work when you have work.

    They are testing the waters for a relationship. You know in some peoples eyes they are not cheating. A people call it "dating" for a reason. They are testing the waters. Making sure that they find the best possible fit. Sometimes we make assumptions that certain actions invoke certain titles. That is not the case. Maybe the person just feels strongly about two separate people and cannot decide... without spending more time with them.

    They are not looking for love. Some people just like to play. Love brings with it many great things and many terrible things. It is fun to have someone to be extra physical with.

    Finally they enjoy the challenge of keeping multiple lovers. This was my dad's way of life. He wanted to see how long he could string a female along till she discovered he was married or until his wife discovered.

    All speculation, I am not smart enough to woo a female much less have a relationship to ruin with cheating. :lol!: if I ever get to that point I will tell you.
  8. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Okay, with a chance of being verbally beaten down after posting this, I will reply to this thread, as the OP asked for words from the cheaters' side.

    I guess I am what you'd call a 'serial cheater', although I really do not like that word.

    The first time I ever had sex was with my best friend, while I had a boyfriend. That was the first time I cheated, and honestly I have no clue why I cheated. I was very young, only 12 years old (too young, looking back at it) and I didn't take relationships serious back then. Doesn't mean it's okay what I did, but that's the only explanation I can come up with for that time of cheating.

    After that I've had a few boyfriends throughout the years, didn't cheat on any of them.
    I did, however, have sex with guys who had girlfriends (and I knew about the girlfriends), and that to me feels wrong too. I should've never done that. If you know someone is in a relationship you don't mess around with them, however much they'd like it, don't do it. That's one thing I've learned from that period of time.

    Then I got into my first serious relationship with a girl. I was the happiest I'd ever been. The relationship seemed so perfect. Except that she lived in Canada and I lived in the Netherlands. We met, physically, and it was amazing.
    But she had to go back to Canada at some point.
    1.5 month after she went back home to Canada, I went to visit a friend in england. And ended up messing around with cet friend.
    Why? I'm not sure. I reckon it was a combination of missing my girlfriend so much, the warmth of having her laying next to me, and the warmth and happiness of making love to her. As well as being hurt about a rejected wedding proposal. And she got really close to me, emotionally.
    I took my girlfriend to visit my mother's grave when she was in holland, which is something I don't do easily.

    Basically I tend to mess things up as soon as someone gets too close to me emotionally. I get scared and need to mess things up then, before they can hurt me.
    And that is what happened in my next relationship.
    Again it was a long distance relationship this time, and i was happy with the girl, I really was. But she got close, I got scared and I ended up messing around with a friend of mine.

    strike three.

    Then I was in another long distance relationship. I was so sure I wouldn't cheat this time around. I hated myself for cheating in the past. I wouldn't make that mistake again.
    The relationship had pretty rough times, but we got through it all.
    Until one day she broke up with me, accusing me of cheating on her.
    Of all times she accused me of cheating, when I hadn't!
    Next day she practically begged me to get back together, so we did get back together, but it wasn't the same after that. I was so angry about the false accusation. She knew about my past of cheating, but we'd agreed that IF anything would happen I would immediately tell her. I may be a cheat, but at least I tell the people I cheated on that I did. Doesn't make it right, but that's the least one can do if something has happened.
    Anyway I was so angry that she would accuse me of that and not believe me when i tell her I really didn't cheat. That I ended up cheating on her out of angry. more like "if she accuses me of it, I might as well go and do it".
    The relationship hadn't been good anymore since we got back together, truly. There was no more trust to be found anywhere and it kinda bled to death anyway. Still doesn't make it right but ya know..

    Then the last relationship I was in before the one I'm in now, was with a guy. He knew about my past of cheating and he knew I had issues with sex with men. He allowed me to mess around with girls, which I did. So I guess technically that isn't cheating, although it does feel like that to me now.

    There you go. Now go and verbally stab me, all, because I hate myself enough for everything I did to my ex partners to want to die at times.

    I have changed, when I got together with my last girlfriend, the one who accused me of cheating, that is when I said I wouldn't cheat anymore, and I may have done it after being accused of it, but I know that won't happen again. As long as a partner doesn't falsely accuse me it won't happen again. If a partner things I've cheated, they can just ask and I will give them a straight answer, to be honest, they wouldn't even have to ask, because I would tell them out of myself. In that aspect I am an honest person.

    I just don't let people get that close anymore, at least not people I'm in a relationship with, because I know that if they get really close really quickly, I might end up messing things up, I just let them in slowly nowadays.
  9. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    When I was really drunk I cheated on my boyfriend. I don't know why and I don't remember doing it.. I was just told about it. But we worked through it :mhmm: x
  10. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I don't get how people can use 'i missed my girlfriend/boyfriend' as a reason for doing such a thing, that was the excuse my ex gave me and i don't buy it all, i truthfully see it as a cop out. Surely if you miss them then having sex with someone behind their back is not the way to go? you're destroying your relationship and you're sure as hell gonna 'miss' them when they leave you when they find out what you've done?? I really don't get how people can throw away the chance to be happy so easily.

    Interested to know, if it was so easy for you to change because you told yourself you wouldn't cheat, why didn't you say that to yourself in the other relationships you had?? Anyone who knows you knows your track record and i don't blame them for being slightly paranoid but then they have the added pressure of not being able to vent that paranoia because if it seems that they are accusing you (maybe they're not but just trying to talk to you about it) then theres a very big possibility that you will go out and cheat anyways. I don't get it.
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    My ex bf was a serial cheat....I think it was his huge ego driving him....he thought he was Gods gift to women..(but he wasn't)...and he had a way with words and could chat most women up...always flirting....
    he was arrogant and thought he did no wrong...
    what was I thinking when I fell for him!!!!!!
    His father was the same but his wife worships him....silly woman is still with him ..
  12. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    When I was married, I cheated on my wife numerous times. I stopped taking my meds for bipolar for about 6-7 years and when I was having manic episodes, I engaged in unprotected promiscuous many many times. How I never caught any STD is a wonder. Looking back on them crazy days, I am filled which so much regret and shame for what I put my wife through, I really let her down. She was so forgiving (which I didn't deserve) as with her being a psychiatric nurse, could see I had little control over my actions other than not taking my meds. She finally had enough after 13 years of marriage and divorced me, I am not bitter and she deserves better. I may sound hypocritical, but cheating on your partner is onbe of the worst examples of betrayal that dosen't deserve forgiveness.
  13. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I've been cheated on in all but one of my relationships, and I'm not even 100% certain about that one. I'm now seeing someone on an "open" basis, it's not perfect but at least it's honest. Anyway, I think the reason a lot of people cheat is because they don't actually want to be in a relationship but it's socially unacceptable to be single. If you tell someone you're single and happy about it they assume you're either secretly gay, sleeping around with random people, too ugly to get a date, or a man/woman hater. Everyone's told that the only thing that could possibly make them truly happy is being a relationship, but loads of people, especially when they're young, don't actually want to be.
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Never had someone to cheat on.
  15. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    It wasn't 'easy' for me, I just hated myself so much for what I'd done time and again, I could barely live with myself. And that feeling served me right I know that. I'm not trying to talk right what I did wrong, because it's not okay. I know that, we all know that.

    And about the paranoia, I can understand that and I wouldn't blame them, but if I say I haven't cheated then I haven't cheated. I'm woman enough to tell the truth if someone asks me if I've cheated. If someone says "you cheated on me" and I explain I haven't. I explained into detail what happened, yet the person didn't believe me, then I got mad. I should've never gone and cheated out of anger, I know that now. I know very well that I've been at fault each time. It's why I didn't get involved with anyone anymore when I wasn't certain about the cheating bit.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I agree. I don't understand the people around me who just have to be in a relationship. After getting out of a few messy ones in the past, I just don't get it. I think it's to do with self esteem, and they feeling they are worth more if they have a bf.

    The last two years with my ex was an open relationship, and she actually wanted me to find someone else and supported me in how I felt. Personally I can't see myself lying or doing anything like that without telling whoever I was with at the time before or after. And I don't think I'd ever be able to cheat- cheating means lying, deception and undermining loyalty in a committed relationship. And when I'm with someone my eyes are on them only. I couldn't do anything like that to someone I loved, and if that someone slept with others outside of being manic/high or things out of their control and lied about it, the lying would be the thing that would hurt the most.
  17. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    i also don't get the whole 'i miss you so i'm gonna cheat on you' attitude is 'i miss you so i'm going to work my arse off, get some money together and see you' getting with someone else isn't an option at all.
  18. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Totally agree with that, think i mentioned it in a previous post lol. It's a total cop out and it pisses me off because that seems to be the most common reason that people use to justify cheating .... well imo anyway.
  19. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    There is no way to 'justify' cheating. it is wrong. End of.

    However, being far apart can be a reason to cheat. One can get very lonely when they aren't able to see their partner. Especially vulnerable people who need lots of physical affection.
    Again, I'm not condoning it, cos like I said, cheating is wrong, no matter what.
    There's a difference between a reason to cheat or a justifying reason to cheat.
  20. KirthGersen

    KirthGersen Account Closed

    I don't think cheating is always wrong. I would cheat on my wife, if I weren't so shy. But she has been cold and unloving to me for a very long time now, and in the last couple of years has started to get pretty shrewish. Things won't last forever if she doesn't change, and I know she won't change. I don't think I would feel bad if I cheated on her, after everything that's happened.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2010