Are you adopted, or dont know a parent?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 18, 2011.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I'm just wondering your thoughts and feelings on it.
    I dont know my birth dad. my mum i do. The guy I call my dad, adopted me when i was born.
    Now unfortunately, had have a bad "thing" that happened with my adoptive dad. but even tho theres that, I still feel bad for wanting to find my real one, as he didnt have to adopt me, or support me finacially.
    Then theres also the fact that my biological dad did see me after i was born (apparently) and he gave me a teddy, but he couldnt stay with me there and left, with my mum still sat at the coffee place.
    So idk. I dont even know if i want to know him. i dont knwo what i want form him. ive never had a 'parent' figure, so i dont knwo what his role would be. i just want to knwo what he looks like really.
    Idk, it confusses me. Just want some others thoughts on it. if any are adopted or in similar situations.
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Im adopted.
    I found my bio mother as a grown man, bad move.
    Fairytales rarely happen.
    I would like you, like to see what Bio Dad looked like, more than i thought actually. All dead ends now though.
    Thanks for the post Sheep, made me think lots.
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I'm not expecting fairtale anything. I'm not even expecting him to want to see or talk to me.
    I just want to know who he is. what hes like. what he's done with his life. and then go, fair enough, and leave it.
    I've not have parent relationships, so i dont want one now, telling em what to do, f that lol
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    That is easier said than done Sheep, you don't know what might happen when you meet him. You may bond very easily with him, there will be secrets lurking, for sure.
    If you want to know what he has done with his life, the chances are you will have to ask him personally.
    Thats a whole different ball game.......... was for me anyway.
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I'm "sneeky" i have my ways. knowing people is powerful.
    I just havent asked.
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    When I was 11 I found out that the man I thought was my Dad wasn't. I spent a few years debating whether I should contact him or not. I was 14 or 15 when I made contact with him. I went in with no expectations or illusions but I needed to know who I was & where I came from. The similarities between us was scary, it was difficult to comprehend how 2 people who've never met could be so alike.

    It wasn't an easy time for me, I struggled a lot trying to come to terms with everything. I had my Dad but I also had a whole other family that came with him. I don't regret meeting him but we have a very temperamental relationship, I find it hard to accept him being absent for a big part of my life & a lot of the time I am angry with him & the situation as a whole.

    I love my Dad to bits & he say's he'll always be there for me. Deep down I know he is, but I still find it hard, at the moment I've not seen him in 2 years & I've not spoke to him in almost a year. Another thing I had to consider was the rest of my family, although I no longer speak with my Stepdad (for various reasons) I am incredibly close with his family. They raised me from when I was a baby & I still consider them my flesh & blood, I have more of a relationship with them than I do with my biological Dad's family.

    Anyways, only you can decide what to do. Some people are content letting sleeping dogs lie, for others the curiosity is too much. The whole situation has caused me a lot of pain over the years but I don't regret it at all.

    Let us know what you decide :hug: xx
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I must be adopted lol.....i feel no way connected to my parents :|
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I haven't seen my dad in ..... about 17 - 18 years? i'm not entirely sure, i was very young when he left. My brother was even younger. He left as my mother had a injunction taken out on him and she gained full custody of us because of his violent behaviour towards her. Because of the way my dad left i feel like i would be betraying my mum if i did contact him. I have pictures of him, i can get hold of a number for my aunt on his side. My brother (16 months younger than me) went through a stage of wanting to find his dad and he got our aunts number from my mum and he was too scared to ring it and he literally begged me to help him find our dad and to not let him do it alone cos he couldn't do it by himself. He asked me to ring the number and i did. I had no idea what i was gonna say but a young girl picked up the phone and i asked if my aunt was there and she said no, that she'd be back later. I hung up and i haven't called since, i don't have the number anymore. I've tried and i think about it everyday .... what he looks like, what my other brothers and sisters are like, do they know about me and my brother, does he think about us, has he looked for us, does he even care? everything like that but i've come to the realisation although he's my dad and i would love to have a relationship with him but i don't wanna be associated with someone who beat up their wife while she was pregnant with their first child. Plus i wouldn't want to put my mum or the rest of my family through the stress of having him in my life.

    The feelings you are having and the questions you want answering are perfectly natural. Have a long serious think about it and if emotionally you feel ready to find out then go for it, the only way to find out what you want to know is to find him :hug:
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I've known about my "real" dad since i was 7, and I'm 23 this year, So i havent rushed into things at all.

    It's more about letting my dad, the guy who adopted me, down, by finding the real guy, cause he didnt have to take care of me, but that being said, he did mo***t me, which is why I shouldnt care, but i do. its very fucked up. -edit- my "real" dad, wasnt abusive, the guy who adopted me, was/is. so yeah. but viks, im sorry :hug:

    If i do meet my real dad, it would be to see who my family are, cause nearly every new person i meet when theres similarities, I wonder if they could be my sister, that I know is out there (cause my mum met her)
    OH! sorry, my "real" dad, was married when he was with my mum. and when my mum fell pregnant he ended it. So there is at least a sister out there.
    I would also like to know medical records and such, cause with the way the system is here, unless you have genetics on yoru side, they doubt everything, but thats a major side point.

    I'm more curious about what he looks like, and yeah, his behaviours. peoples behaviours facinate me. so it would be really intresting to meet him and see similar/same actions in myself.

    Another factor is, I dont even know if hes still alive! he was a number of years older than my mum.

    Just another thing to ad to the mix lol
  10. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Your adopted father has been your dad.
    Its easy to be a bio father, being a Dad is very different.
    Im sure he loves you enough to understand your quest.
    I turned a stone over years ago, it would have been better if i had not.
    Thing is, knowing even what i know now, i still would have.
    Its called curiousity.
    I have this thought often.................... We all expect others to think as we do, thing is they don't.
    Be prepared for anything thats the best advice i can offer.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2011
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Mmm, see not really Pete, the guy who adopted me, did what no "dad" should do to his child. weather bio, or adopted or any of that.. no. he did what no adult should do to a child. so yeah. thast why i say its stupid of me to hold his feelings in perspective here. its stupid for me to even keep seeing him, but i do. its "easier" that way.
  12. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    ok, sorry.
    I retract that then.
    And im sorry he did that, i should have read more carefully.
  13. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I think your questions will never be answered as long as you cant ask him, just be prepared to have hurt, cause no matter what he says your going to feel like you were discarted, given up.

    Im so sorry that your adopted "father" hurt you, some things in life just confuses me.

    PM anytime you want to chat
  14. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    It's natural to want to know your biological history. I want to know who my father was, too. You were given away, so you are at least owed a right to know who the people were that conceived you. Or at least that's how I see it, having been adopted as well.
  15. barto

    barto Well-Known Member

    I learned I was adopted when I was 5. Even though my adoption was at birth, I know my biological mother. She lives in the next town over with her husband and two kids, my half brother and sister. They live pretty much the opposite life I do with my adoptive family (ie family dinners, church, etc). I've been coping with all of this, but now they have figured out how to find me on Facebook.
    Needless to say, it's complicated :dry:
  16. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    well, i did a search on my fathers name, it turned up an obituary :\
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