Are you in love with your sadness?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by boo, Jul 31, 2010.

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  1. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    A certain sense of peace may sometime come from sadness. It's counter intuitive, but sometime true. By turning toward positive affirmations and happy motivational uplifting messages, or worse yet FALSE happy motivational uplifting messages it can almost make a person feel disconnected from life.
    It's exhausting trying to convince ourselves we feel empowered and excited about life, when in reality we feel like shit.
    Why do we do that?
    Is it because we've been taught to put a band aid on our wound and figured it might also work for our emotional scars? Ever heard of the God Band Aid?....
    Why do we try so hard to convince ourselves that everything is going to be swell? Is it because we fear that if we completely surrender to the feelings of pain, we'll lose ourselves completely?

    How about the expression "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger?" Feeling pain, for however long it might be is sometime necessary for each individual. Necessary and essential for recovery and to build resiliency.
    Isn't that how evolution works? Example : Any mutation must be applied to a DNA coding that already exists. It can not be applied to coding that does not exist. Is this a silly statement? Not at all. It leads to the way that evolution changes an organism. Mutations are always applied to the existing DNA coding. Evolution makes something new out of something that already exists.
    (ok maybe the evolution thingy isn't the best example, but i'm tired..) :p

    Whether the injury is physical or emotional, moving on too quickly under the pretense of "not wanting to let this bring you down" can be more damaging.

    So my question is: Is to deny pain the real way of healing? Or is it by embracing the sadness and despair of life thus leading to a peace that can't effectively be achieved through other means?
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I guess it's the same way as sexuality. Do I accept who I am and live the life I would be happier living? Or to deny any thought of that and go through life being, well a fuck load unhappier? :laugh:

    I think in order to heal, you have to accept. It's kinda like the AA stuff you see on shows here and there, "I'm Barry, and I'm an alcoholic". Recognising that a 'problem' exists is the first step :).
  3. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    In love with pain and sadness?

    FUCK no.
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Exactly. The people who romanticise pain, sadness and death piss me off greatly.

    I agree with the OP about the thing about false platitudes and 'moving on.' I frankly despise people (and these are nurses who work in mental health) saying I should 'let go of the past.' Letting go can mean blocking/denying and not learning a thing.

    I then go on to tell them about injuries and the extent of mine. Being injured can kill, it can damage, and it can cause an amazing amount of harm to that person and the people around. There is a spectrum of injury: mild- like a fall and very severe and prolonged that can effect and impair someone's life daily, for years. I'm resilient, is that a good thing? It's my survival- and sometimes I wish I did not have that resiliency, it would have been much easier for me to die in the past than go through the horrors I do. It's not something I asked for, it's just my innate strong survival instinct.

    I agree that feeling pain is necessary to heal, but it can also kill, depending on the injury and the extent. That is why so many people will rely on drugs/alcohol and EDs, addictions to cope, for all their life in many cases, especially when treatment is so poor.

    Healing for me is fighting death, rather than embracing it. I do not embrace death or pain, because if I did, I'd die or I'd be in an eating disorder clinic. I let it flow, with very little numbing, and a whole lot of yelling and screaming.
    Sadness is a different issue, I can say "I feel sad", that is different from saying "I'm feeling so agitated I'm going to either harm myself badly or kill myself."

    (I've edited this, because I misread a sentence in your OP, about evolution...there is actually a book my therapist gave me talking about what you say- about the types of lives "most people live" in terms of feeling pain, and relying on things to automatically get rid of pain; however I can't relate to that observation as I have lived a far from sheltered life, and my survival instinct was something I didn't have to learn or reach, it's just automatic for me...)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2010
  5. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I feel alot of hate... Guys, i didn't say it was facts. That's why i made sure to use the words might, sometime and lotsa question marks because i know this doesn't apply to everyone. But since this is a sensitive topic, its understandable that someone will get upset. Not everyone, in fact i expect the majority of people here to disagree with my theory. But that's all it is. A theory.

    I don't really think i asked anyone if they would embrace death... but sadness and to a limit, pain. Pain caused by emotional trauma. I think i have reasons to believe that some people do embrace such a thing. After all, there's books, movies, music and tale of old all based on the drama such thing as pain and suffering provide.

    Masochism is another example. But that's another story.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yes, lots of people embrace death and pain and you're right it's everywhere. I think it gets more interesting when people define what is "death" and "life," while living, and the discussion goes on.

    I don't hate you, no way! I love this thread :hug: and you make excellent points.
  7. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    To a certain extent you can say some people value life that much more because they know it won't last forever. Or because they have been through alot.

    Let's take natural or human made disasters for example. See how people unite in times of need? But how soon do people forget? So unless they learn, history will repeat itself. That's what i'm trying to say. Don't brush the dirt under the carpet. Acknowledge it happened and why it did.

    Thanks. The word hate was a bit too strong. I just didn't want this thread turning into war. :p :hug:
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I agree with you. I see history repeating itself everywhere, my family for example. It makes me go nuts when I'm around people who don't want to look at serious problems or realise the next generation is going to go through the same old cycle of abuse/no sight/poor parenting/poor decisions. I'm not sure if you've ever been around people like this. It's terrible.

    I value life so much. It's a gift to me, and it is to be lived. :smile:
  9. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger?", I swear this is my most hated expression lol, shame on the person who made this statement. I feel that what doesn't kill does not make you stronger but makes another wound that doesn't heal and at times it stings.
    As for your question, no I don't think deny pain makes it any better since it'll always be there waiting. I think it's best to accept it and see that others go through the same and carry on with life no matter how hard. Basicly, get over it, forget it and move forward, thats all there is to it. It is hard but like will always have its obstacles.
  10. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    Sorry double posting
  11. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    I am not in love with my sadness, but I've made friends with it. It's kind of an old, familiar friend. It can be comforting at times.

    A positive sexual response is necessary to call it masochism. Masochism is something else entirely.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2010
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