In the last two months, I came to terms with a truth-- I am and will forever be "dysfunctional." I have also been "mentally ill" in my life. But I am now at peace with who I am. I always knew this was true. I started to feel better as I knew it... It's a part of me, not just some point in time... And not good or bad... Sometimes, things are perfect for me... Other times, horrible... I think I am probably an undiagnosed manic/depressant... I have been told this. But the point of what I am saying is that I eventually came to a point where I just said..... "You've had a lot of problems... Many of them drug-related... But... Is it actually *other* peoples' problems that you think about?? Are you dysfunctional and mentally ill because that's where you were born?? And maybe that it's not your fault... But something that you just need to deal with on a daily basis?" Does make you worse of a person?.... No, just part of your life... I have recurrent problems. Drugs and alcohol make them worse. I always thought it was *my* fault and that it was only MY choices that made my life this way. I now see this is not the truth. It might be upsetting at first if you are like this... But it made me feel a lot better. I understand my life was born out of uncertainty... and in chaos. That is why I still feel those feelings. That is why I was driven to do things that I shouldn't have before. It wasn't my fault...... It is part of who I am. Being dysfunctional is part of who I am.. Maybe not me personally but.... from my upbringing... I cannot change that. So it is who I am. If you are crazy or ill or on drugs or alcohol and always feel "at fault" for everything in your life.... Maybe you are like me. Maybe you should just realize that you are a dysfunctional person. We have to deal with life differently. Everything is different for us. We have to have an extra degree of care in the way that we deal with everything....... I don't have many friends. That is one of my problems. No one to listen. No one to talk to. I feel I often drink or use drugs for this reason. I was raised in tough areas sometimes. Guns and violence. But I am still a human being. I still seek connections with people. I still have feelings. I am still a human being with as many feelings as anyone else. Just because I can fight or have seen violence or am from bad places doesn't make me any less of a human than you. I still want the same things sometimes..... I have learned how to deal with robbers, thugs, theives, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.... in ADDITION to all of the family problems over the years. But I ultimately am still a human being who wants people to talk to. I am glad for this place. Where I can openly say that I have problems and I hope to find friends who can for once not be ashamed of themselves.... Maybe you have nothing to live for or no money or no respect or no friends or maybe your family hates you. But you have one thing on this earth to be thankful for. This place. You can find people like me, who hurt like you do, but who also have real feelings. I want to be respected in this world, just like you do. And I want someone to talk to, just like you do. And I have horrible problems, just like you do. But maybe we can be friends..... This is a good place. This is a good place where we won't be ashamed. We won't be ashamed of who we are. I will never judge you negatively. I understand how it is to live a very tough life. I will always listen. I will only offer you my friendship and support. I hope to find and make many real friends in this place.