Are your parents clueless?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by roro, Jul 31, 2007.

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  1. roro

    roro Well-Known Member

    If you have clueless parents, know that you are not alone. Most people in this world are clueless, so what makes you think you would be born the small percent that has great parents?

    Yes they love you, all parents love their kids. But they are not always right, they are not perfect, and they are not always going to give you good advice. When they tell you to stay away from cigarettes, drugs and alcohol, they are right. but if its about emotions, your major in college, your choice of friends, music, career, whatever, they might just be totally clueless.

    Right now, if you are young, it may be that your parents are the most important people in your life, so if they are fucked up, that might be why you are fucked up.

    DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO puts you down, belittles you or berates you, not even your own parents. Its criminal how some parents fuck up their kids so much and they dont even know they are doing it.

    i spent my first 20 something years of my life trying to please my mom to no avail. she did the best she could, I am not saying she was a bad mother, she loved us and would do anything for us, but she never did get it about the "emotional abuse" and "mental cruelty" thing. it wasn't her fault. i grew up, had my own son and realized "I am a better person than you. I am a better mother, and a better christian" and I forgave her and now we are friends. I do not need her to validate me, she still conveniently "can't remember" a lot of what went on, and denies it. I wasted so many years argueing and trying to make her see my point, see my side. It was wasted breath. also if i had listened to my parents i would never be a scientist/engineer right now, i would have been a secretary (not that theres anything wrong with being a secretary, but I wanted more)

    The best thing you can do for your parents is to go on with your life, be successful, have your own kids, and be BETTER PARENTS. be understanding, loving, never say a mean word. your parents will notice, and they will see. but if they dont, who cares? you dont need them and you dont need their approval.

    and when you grow up, if they try to say they did all that to make you tough and make you succeed, tell them no. you succeeded IN SPITE of them. if you had listened to THEM you would have killed yourself. you listened to others who actually had faith in you.

    i am not saying i am a perfect mom. my house isnt the cleanest, and dinner isnt on the table. but my son doesn't care he has a credit card i pay for and taco bell is right around the corner :tongue: i may not be suzy homemaker, but i am loving and caring and he knows who to come talk to when he needs something and that he can trust me. i would never steer him wrong. and I have never missed one of his soccer games or wrestling meets. he knows he comes first.
  2. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    Well done!

    Thats exactly it Roro! For a long time I kept hoping that I would somehow get love from my parents. I made all kinds of lifestyle changes trying to get that.. what a waste of time. If your parents couldn't love you well as a child they aren't going to somehow manage it as an adult either. no matter how much I explained, requested, etc.. nada.

    I also learned, like you, to NOT ACCEPT being treated poorly. DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO puts you down, belittles you or berates you, not even your own parents. And by not listening I mean.. don't believe it and turn away from them when they do it.

    It has been a hard journey. And recovery is still coming along for me. Hang out with supportive and kind people!

  3. roro

    roro Well-Known Member

    I have been diagnosed with lyme disease. And my mom apologized. she apologized for not believing I was sick, for thinking it was all in my head. After 43 years I finally got through to her.

    we also had an argument about the house (grew up to feel that the house was more important than the people in it) I am not going to go into details, but she really offended me, and my husband. I was all set to never go visit again. she apologized for that too, to me and to my husband.

    so people do change if they want to.
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    my parents dont know shit about me, they dont care. They're the cause of half of my shit.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Some people aren't fit to be parents. I feel sorry for those children who are in this bracket.

    Anyways glad you were able to see through your parents way and rise beyond that and be a better parent.
  6. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    My parents tried. I guess I'd have to put them in the clueless category if I really had to put them somewhere. They really shouldn't have had kids.

    They weren't mean to us or anything. Not deliberately, anyway. They didn't have a lot of money. They obviously didn't have the best genes and I don't really appreciate what they passed on to me. That should have been something they should have thought about. If people don't have the greatest genes and can't even afford kids in the first place, they just shouldn't bother. I guess, maybe, that's part of not having great genes. Some people must be missing the common sense gene.
  7. Mew

    Mew Active Member

    Agreed, especially since kids have no say in the matter and no way of undoing their birth. Least not without a few years of misery and leaving behind a bunch of pain and scars if they kill themselves :(
  8. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    My parents are as clueless as I am. They don't understand when I say that I can't. They think that I mean I won't. They think it's all in my head. Well, it is, kinda but not in the way they think it is. It's not something I can just will away. It doesn't work that way and they don't understand that.
  9. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    My parents are completely oblivious to my condition.

    If that doesn't show how clueless some parents are then I really don't know what can. When I was first taken into hospital after taking my first overdose I lied to them and told it was because of a diabetic coma although all the signs pointed to a near-fatal overdose. The signs of depression were/are there, too, and yet they can't piece it together. They might have their own problems, I can accept that, but their children are supposed to be the most precious belongings in the whole world and, yeah, they have three other children to look out for, but surely they'd notice something so important.

    In the end, I don't give a fuck about them finding out anymore. It's got to the point where I know I'm going to go through this alone, and I've accepted that. It would be nice to have someone there to go through it with, but I'm dealing with it in my own way, and I'm happy with that. It gives me a little independence, and gives me the chance to really get my ass into gear. And I guess I'm not completely alone. I have this place, and I have my dear girlfriend. With her, I know I can get through it. My parents need never know about it.

  10. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    My parents don't know anything about how I've been inside. I'm older than a lot of you, so I just have to act normal when I go visit them. I don't really want to trouble them or cause them stress. But maybe they ought to so they no not to hassle me about petty things, as old retired folk have a habit of doing.
  11. My mother has somewhat understanding since she suffers from depression and is dealing with other troubles, however, my father is completely the opposite. He rejects me and tries to 'label' me, for example, saying I have ADHD, and/or autism, and/or Aspergers Syndrome (sp).

    Not both of my parents are supportive.
    Both have abused me in someway, shape or form.

    They have both rejected me and abandoned me because of how I am.

    My father more so.

    My sister is more understanding, however.
    She is like a mother to me.
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    My parents don't get it either. Still waiting for me to snap out of it I think.
    I love your post. I'm so glad you were able to finally overcome all that. Rationally I tell myself that my Dad is wrong, but emotionally I still think I'm trying to please him, which is impossible.
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    My parents kicked me out when I was 17..I had to make my own way in life even suffering from depreaaion and suicidal thoughts..I don't hold it against them because they were raised by a whole different set of rules..When they were brought up you didn't discuss things like depression..Now that I am older I have sat down with them and explained what is happening with me..They told me they still don't understand but will support me no matter what is going on with me..I can't say they were bad parents because they also raised my two sisters and brother who grew up normal..
  14. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    For some reason this thread is extremely triggering for me.

    Anyway, my father was abusive enough that he has been stripped of his parental rights.

    I haven't seen him in over 5 years.

    My mom has good intentions, but she just isn't strong enough to be a single mother.

    She is doing extremely well money-wise, so that will never be a worry. But there's needs to be more than just financial security.

    In the end I blame my father for the way I am.

    I endured his abuse for 11 years, and I've inherited his mental health problems.
  15. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    *WARNING* This post may be very triggering to some. Please do not read if you are easily triggered or are triggered on the subjects of rape and self harm.

    Anyways... My parents are extremely clueless. They've found the same knife in my room twice and thought it was for cutting food. They've found holes in pillow of which I've stabbed to let out frustration and never even asked why they were there. My parents try to be good parents but in the end I really wonder if they really give a shit. They never talk to me about life and never give me advice on how to actually make it out in the world. They avoided the "birds and the bees" conversation and left my sex education up the schools which have lead to thoughts of possible rape out of sexual frustration. No my parents did not abuse me and no they haven't yet kicked me out of the house but in my opinion they did something much worse. They set up me up for failure in life. They didn't tell me what's right and what's wrong; I have to figure it out for myself. I can't be better parents than them because I'll never have that chance to have kids.
  16. Tess

    Tess Member

    My mother understands to some extent, she's always been a depressive herself. Both parents frankly have too much crap in their own lives to deal with me, and in other peoples cases I might say that's unfair, but I can largely sympathise with how my parents are just through with me nowadays. They are riddled with problems and can't take on my own. I think they just view me with embarassment nowadays. My relationship with them is pretty nonxistent ever since things started going downhill with me and my ex and the problams I was having with him. They just couldn't fathom how I could bring myself to be in a relationship with such an unstable person and set myself up for the emotional torment I had with him and still have now. They are frankly just utterly bored with me now.
  17. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    my parents were assholes, but I sympathize with them in the way, I blame other people for how they became assholes and screwed up in the first place
  18. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    oh my god yes.. ive tried so many times to explain to my mum exactly whats going on but she never gets it at all. she even kicked me out the house because of me being mentally ill as she couldnt cope anymore and so thanks to her not understanding i was homeless for awhile
  19. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I actually always knew my parents were all sorts of messed up... but I loved them both... and in my mistakes, I decided to try to undertake Christianity and fix my family through this "perfect" thing and "perfect god." Things have never been worse since I tried to do that.

    Whatever you get out of that little story... I hope it's good. Don't trust the commercialized gods. They are posuers saying they are gods... but they are demons... who only want you to make them feel better about the fact that they speak to you from Hell.
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