why do i bloody put myself into situations when i know full well im going to get hurt. why am i pretending that life is something its not?? why do i believe that people think differently of me. when i know full well they dont. grr. i hate myself. why do i put myself out there. why do i make a fool out of myself. why cant i hold back. i cant fucking hold back due to fear of not knowing what could have happened. fuck. i hate myself.