Argh. No happiness.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Newgirl, Oct 26, 2011.

  1. Newgirl

    Newgirl New Member

    So I'm not really sure where to start, but I have nothing good that brings me happiness in my life. Stuck in a dead end badly paid job that bores me to tears. My 'friends' aren't ever there and pretty much use me as a back up plan. My family is tiny and torn apart and it's like now I'm not a little girl nobody cares because I'm nobody's problem but my own. Live in a filthy dive that I can barely afford, and drive a shit car that literally needs some repair work every month. And worst of all my abusive relationship. I used to idolize my partner we were so in love and everything seemed better because he was around. A few years later the nicities have worn off, he is either angry or miserable every second he spends with me, all he does is have a go at me and put me down, get drunk and push and throw me round, call me every name under the sun. I've left him once before he made out he would change and was devastated so I took him straight back, now he's back to normal, the slightest thing like me asking him to come somewhere with me, get the washing from the machine, even asking him to food shop with me turns into a argument. I drive about 80 miles a day because he hasn't got a car so I drop and pick him up everyday, he even throws that back in my face saying he'd rather be with his mates going out and he only comes home because I want him to then I offer for him to stay with them n he says no he wants to come home. We live together and although he gets paid almost double me, he pays no rent or petrol and does the weekly shop about once a month. When we've broken up before there's been things with other girls, nothing serious but enough to hurt me so now I'm insecure and he calls me a pyscho cos of it. We are supposed to be getting married, things got so bad I tried to kill myself, he called me and I was incoherent so he called my mum who came round and called an ambulance. He went out with his mates and didn't even come see me in hospital. I think about killing myself everyday, when we argue he tells me to. When I read it all back like this he seems like a monster but we've been together for so many years and I think he loves me deep down. I'm scared to be on my own, I've got nothing and nobody. I'm lost
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU need to wake up okay and walk away once and for all from this guy. He is a user and yes abuser. You can do so much better for yourself hun YOU have a job you get out of where you are rent a room in a house even but change okay Time to change things a bit now He is not worth the heartache over and NO he does not love you hun he loves himself and he will NOT change no way it does not happen.
    YOU walk away now and don't listen to his cries you disconnect change all phone number and you disappear from his view and start a new life for YOU
     
  3. Newgirl

    Newgirl New Member

    Thanks for the support total eclipse, i guess i know i have to leave him but uts easier said then done, and its difficult to know when and how, im just so scared of having nobody!
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know it takes courage hun it does but if you go to womens shelter to talk to them they will give you all the help you need okay to get free from this relationship You can do better hun you are worth the fight okay Get some help You will not always be alone hun the people shelter will give you skills to survive okay they will hugs