Arghh!!!!!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GoldenPsych, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I went back to the GP on Monday and he gave me Lorazepam to try and help with the urges to cut, it is to calm me down when I feel like I want to. He only gave me 6 pills and I have not taken any yet. I don't want to. I don't want to be spaced out as I am trying to do uni work and don't want to be falling asleep. The thing is I know I have made plans that I will cut tonight. I have been out and brought what I need. I have not had a drink in a week and it has not made me feel any better at all. I feel so anxious and low at the moment. I don't know why I am feeling so low. There are no reasons why I should be feeling low. I have had reasons in the past few months but I have coped. Yet now I can't. I don't feel like I want to kill myself. Not at the moment anyway, but I know the pattern to myself when I am ill and that is getting to the stage where I do feel suicidal. It gets to a stage where I can't see a way out. I have asked for help and things are taking the time. I have done what I need to on my part and can not see what else I can be doing.

    My GP has refered me to a community mental health team who will as a team decide what to do and where I will go (eg counselling, therapy and the type). This will be based on my previous history and what the GP says in her letter. Kinda stupid I think, surly it would be best to meet with a MH professional. I think I know what I need. I need some CBT of some type or counselling to see if can come up with a route cause. I went back to GP on Monday to let him know how I was stuggling and he actually listened to me in terms of what I wanted. I told him to prescribe the lorazepam. And was nice to have someone actually listen to me for a change. I also tried calling the nurse guy who came to assess me a couple of weeks back after a small od which came from no where and which kinda sparked this off. I spoke to him on the phone and he was just going on at me basically saying I'm not depressed, I need to stop or I will end up killing myself or losing a limb (when I self harm it's pretty bad), and there is nothing that they can do from there and just gave me a website to go to.... I am a bit past that but incase anyone else wants to have a look it's www.harmless.org.uk . He made me feel useless and worthless and as though I wasn't worth the time. Really annoyed me.

    So I am at square one again not really knowing what to do or where to go with things. I know I want to cut, don't know why. I just know how I feel when I do it, the feelings of release and the high that comes from it. It's nearly 4pm. I am going to give myself 4 hours to try and calm down and try and re-focus somewhere else. I will probably end up studying mental health law being as though that is what I am doing in uni at the moment. Ha...the irony!

    x
     
  2. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hi goldenpsyche, are you able to get out? if you are try a find a copy of cbt for dummies. i bought it and it helped me. it makes a lot of sense. you should br able to go it off the net too.
     
  3. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

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