Aromantic or inexperienced?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Entoloma43, Feb 3, 2013.

  1. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Just looking to get other people's thoughts on this. Thanks in advance

    Short background information: Male, 22, never been in relationship/had sex/kissed.

    I'm starting to question whether I'm an aromantic (meaning, I have no romantic interest in women). I've never experienced a "crush" unlike most people my age. I'm sexually attracted to women, but I've never seen one and get butterflies, or have an instant attraction/desire to try to form a relationship.

    The only reason why I haven't fully decided is simple: I have no experience at all with women. No woman has ever shown interest in me (that I'm aware of). I've never dated, had sex, gone on a date, or even had a friendship with any. Since no one has shown interest in me, I've never pursued any kind relationship. I think this is the primary reason why I'm single since I don't actively pursue relationships. I'm more focused on myself at the moment (doing well in college, getting to the gym everyday, etc).

    So just looking to get some opinions on this topic. I'm not sure if I simply lack the ability to love, or if I just haven't found anyone yet.
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I'd lean more towards that you just haven't found the right person yet. Considering you've not gone about asking anyone out, or persued anything to a degree, you've more than likely on an indirect level defined certain things for yourself. You might see a girl who peaks your interest, but because of you not actively persuing anyone, you don't exactly fuel possibilities or imaginings of what she's like, what you'd like to get up together ect. From simple things like hanging out to going on a date to more things, if you don't let your desires sorta develop and express themselves, they won't. But it doesn't mean they're not there. I just bet more you're accustimed to a certain routine when a hot women who might get your attention enters a room. Doesn't mean there's room for other things. Just kinda got to let yourself breath a little, which can be difficult if you're used to telling yourself or beliving a certain thing that counters relationships in general for yourself.

    I wouldn't say you lack the ability one bit :) You just maybe haven't found the avenue you've been looking for.
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I wouldn't say that you lack the ability to love, as you have pointed out you are focusing on yourself, and really, thats brilliant. You've not shown any interest in pursuing a relationship, but that doesnt mean you arent able to. Love is something that happens at the most random times, and those are usually the ones that are more enjoyable, then actively seeking it out constantly, and possibly feeling let down when things dont happen out the way you want them.

    For now focus on you, as you are always far more important, and a relationship, should you want it will come up.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think you lack the ability to love. I'm sort of in the same boat, no one has shown interest in me, so I don't try to pursue them. But when you find the right person for you, then you'll know.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    There's nothing wrong with it, if you are. Not everyone is made to chase after other people.

    If you're more focused on your studies and your workouts, that's perfectly alright. If you do suddenly feel the urge to court women, you can always decide to go and do so.