i feel soo shit right now i feel like i need to fucking scream! you all think im so held together, think im stable, think i don't get down, i've seen people on here say it, im not who you think i am, im dying inside, dying from the guilt i put myself thru, i might seem okay to you lot but iside im not, i put on a front for you, to make you think im fine, i can't tell you how i feel or whats happened with my family, my brother, my dad, my past, how can i tell someone whos emotionally upset right now, im strong for certain people here, im willing to listen, willing to help, but when people ask how i am or whats wrong i can't say because i feel guilt inside, added guilt to what i allready feel. I'm torn between my family, stuck in the middle of everything, i dont know what to do anymore, what do i do to get rid of this pain, pain kill myself? but they 'love' me, they cause me pain, i cause them pain, what life is that?!?! they keep me here, if they weren't here id would of done someone irreversable along time ago, iv felt like this for along time, since i was 12 - 13, i tried drowing myself once in the bath, for some reason i blocked it out of my head and forgot about, then someone mentioned about drowing and it brought it all back, i don't know why i blocked it out, but remembering brought it all back, i was soo young and i tried something like that, no one knew, no one knew how i felt, no one noticed, does that mean i was good at hiding it or no one cared enough to notice, i dunno any more, i dunno any more, what is there to live for apart for the family that caused this pain i feel right now, i hate my life, i hate me....i have nothing good to offer anyone, i might aswell be dead...