as of late

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mr.Smiles, May 8, 2014.

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  1. Mr.Smiles

    Mr.Smiles Member

    I'm really starting to feel helpless. Everything is wearing me thin. I've become numb. I really need a good cry and just can't seem to feel any emotions. Haven't been happy and the only reason I feel sad is that I know I'm the one standing between me and happiness. And yet I can't bring myself to change anything. I have tried in the past when I've felt like this. It takes a lot of energy and a few times it actually worked, but that feeling never lasts long. I've tried and failed so many times. I'm struggling with the why. Why try when nothing works, why meet people when they always let you down, why not just end the suffering and finally get some rest. Everyone in my life has always been too busy to talk. So I find myself at the end of my rope. I've been so lonely. I'm pretty sure I have anxiety, have never seen or talked to anyone about it. Every time I've tried I get worked up and end up just "sucking it up". I've been in quite a few relationships and every one has ended with pain. I actually just got out of one and think that's what set these feelings off. We were talking and everything was great, a lot in common, same morals, same goals. She said I was a nice guy, smart, cute, and funny. Then all of a sudden just stopped talking to me. Like no communication. She just called after about a week of not talking at all. She said she can't handle a relationship at this point. Which has left me lost and confused. If everything is going good then why stop. It just makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I did something wrong. Not really sure where else to turn. Figured I'd post on here and see if talking to people may help.
  2. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Talking about it is always a good idea and solution. I think I know how you must be feeling. Being left alone feels so bad, huh? :/ I know that, I've had enough time to find that out. *gives you a hug* Some times are just cruel, want some not exactly useful piece of advice? Go on a field or something like that where no one hears you and just shout all the pain out ^^ it's freeing :D
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps hun she is struggling with her own pain it is not you but her ok Keep trying ok she saw something in you so will others
  4. Mr.Smiles

    Mr.Smiles Member

    Cooki: not exactly useless advice, there's always something about a primal scream that helps calm the soul. Yes, being alone feels horrible. Especially with my lack of social skills. She was the first girl I've let myself get close to in longer than I care to admit.

    Total eclipse: she did tell me that she's just not ready for a relationship. She has two kids, just started school, on parole, and is still living at home. I know, I can really pick 'em. It still doesn't make sense to me though. If things were going so good, why abandon it. I know I'm probably just reading into it a bit much. But still feel as though it's some how something I did.

    Thank you guys or gals (not sure which sorry). For taking the time to read and respond. Even just the small correspondence we have had has helped. I'm feeling better than I was earlier. I have been thinking about this quite a bit and to be honest, I'm not even sure if I was ready. The situation I'm in isn't very conductive to the confidence area. I'm hopeful that some day we may get together again or I will find the person for me. It just hit me hard with everything else that has happened. I'm really thinking about seeking help for my anxiety. Not even sure if that's what is wrong with me. But seeking help is a start. I don't know how much I can trust myself if these feelings or lack thereof persist. Any way, you guys don't want tollisten to me rant on, so thanks again for your time.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I know that feeling of not being able to cry, even when you really need or want to. It can be painful to be left alone, but if she said she's not ready for a relationship, it probably is for the best for both of you right now. Who knows, maybe someday in the future you can get back together again. Even if that doesn't happen, I'm sure you will find someone who is right for you. I hope you do find help for your anxiety, and I'm glad you are feeling better, just from posting here. You aren't ranting, and even if you are, this is a good place to let your feelings out. Whatever you have on your mind, just let it out here, because we are always around to listen. :)
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