Hello all OK, this isn't a call for attention or a plea of any sort. I've promised a friend that i'd try for help before i decided to do anything. Bottom line is that i've chosen to end my life. While i haven't directly said anything to my friend, my words and actions have convinced her that she can't help and i've promised to do something like this. I'm 26, male, living alone. The simple fact is, i can't fight anymore. I've thrown in the towel and given up. For over 5 years now i've pushed through depression, loneliness and absolute frustration. I've made attempts before but these were more cries for help. What i've got planned is more 'calculated' i guess. This time i've researched, picked a day, ordered materials, made calculations, even have a time of how long the whole procedure will take. To be honest, i'm not even scared. This isn't cutting, or drug overdose, or a quick fix to escape all this. I've done all these and they dont work. I've also tried making life better. That doesn't work either. I've made life changes over the past 5 years, made so many new friends, done so many things, but nothing seems to lift this loneliness thats killing me. Family have either died or lost contact. Friends lose interest. I've been betrayed by friends and lovers alike, i cant trust people anymore. Even in the most crowded room, surrounded by people i know and laugh with, i still feel so alone. Its a riddle i've never been able to answer. The worst is... I dont want to hope, i dont want to believe, i dont think anything good will ever happen, i dont think i'm worth the effort, i dont even see a future beyond the next minute. Its horrible. Thats basically it i guess. I'm going to end it here. I will check up till i decide enough is enough, as i promised my friend. I couldn't leave without fulfilling that. If you've read this, thanks. You're a patient person.