As the clock strikes midnight

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Why Am I Here

Why Am I Here

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
I broke a promise. I'm sorry. I said I would do it but I backed out. My plan was ready. I could had done it anytime I wanted to. My mind got the best of me. I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't.


Have you ever been in this point? Where you're as low as you can go and you just want to end it, but you back out of that? I'm so remarkably low at this moment I don't know what's going to happen. I guess I can kill myself any day I want now.

Please don't say you're happy I'm alive, because I'm fucking not and you're all liars.

I know that someone must of been betting on weather or not I was going to kill myself. I'm sorry to whomever lost money because I didn't.

I keep coming back to this forum for reasons unknown, I would love it if the admins would just ban me. I don't want to be banned for the stuff I do as I don't want to hurt anyone or look like an idiot saying ways to kill yourself.


At this point I'm so fucking lonely I just want to talk to someone. Anyone I cry because no one finds interest in me. I want to kill myself because of how I view life in general and have no anxiety problems. Yet, I find myself crying because everyone in this forum thinks I'm crazy when it's a forum dedicated to resolving suicidal issues?


I don't know what I should do at this point. I don't know if I should go to bed or shoot myself in the head. I could get on chat but I'd just be there and no one would talk to me as usual.


Fuck the world, man.
 
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magillygutty

Member
#4
#4
Why Am I Here said:
I've watched Alan Watts before. He and I have the same ideas in a load of subjects. I really would like to become a philosopher to be honest. But yet I still feel suicidal.
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RUN!!! go outside and RUN YOUR GUTS OUT!!!!! RUN UNTIL YOU CANT BREATHE ANYMORE!!!!

Your thoughts will go away...for a while anyways

Im not going to say you shouldnt feel suicidal but im giving you a solution that will clear your mind for the time being...
 
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cutiepie132

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
I don't think being suicidal is an issue of being crazy, and I'm not just saying that because I've been there. In my opinion, crazy is a person that wants to hurt someone else, people that kill others, people who rape someone, old men or women that want to have a relationship with a child, someone that hurts a child in a horrific way, abuse, molestation, the type of people that lack having a soul. Just because life has been hell and you get to the point you feel like you can't take it anymore, doesn't make you crazy. It's not your fault those things happen. Maybe you keep coming back because you realize that we've been there where you are, or that we are in that place right now. Please don't think we don't understand. Don't think for a minute that anyone wants to see you suffer. That's not at all true. If someone is happy that your still here, it's because they want things to get better for you, they want you to find happiness. We all know how shitty life can be, sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom before things start getting better, and some of us have survived this, and we know, even if you aren't able to see it, there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I may not be all that interesting to talk to, but if you want to, you can email me anytime that you want.. I will promise to always be there to talk to you if you need me. One thing I am not is a liar. Since I have joined this forum, I have spent time praying for all of you, I have cried from the things that I have read, and it's difficult for me, because I can feel your pain.. And regardless of whether you believe it or not, I do care.
 
IV2010

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
I'm glad you keep coming back to this forum Jon
i don't think you're crazy ..being suicidal doesn't mean you're crazy..

not going through with it doesn't mean you're crazy either..

I can hear you're in pain...this is the place to share your pain and lighten the load a bit
please keep talking to us
we do care what happens to you

is there anyone in real life you trust enough to talk to about how you're feeling?
family, friends, doctor?

:hugtackles:
 
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peacelovingguy

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
Why Am I Here said:
Please don't say you're happy I'm alive, because I'm fucking not and you're all liars.
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I know how you feel.

But you are wrong - just because someone says they are happy you never committed suicide it does not mean they are liars. After all - many here are thinking about it - and so if someone plans it and backs out then its hopeful for us also.

Sure some people on other forums would place bets on whether someone kills themselves - and if anyone is thinking of suicide as a revenge - well, why would people who dislike you feel bad about you dying?

People who dislike me would cheer.

So I'll get happy instead and annoy them immensely.

Hey - loneliness is a bad thing mate - but don't get angry at people who don't really deserve it. I accept your anger - I know why it is there - but stick around and you'll get to know people here for sure - and people who will talk to you.

Hope you feel a bit better - and there are honest people who do really care about others.

Selfish people who only care for themselves - I don't really bother with people like that in my life - on a personal level - they don't even register and if they do I'll be annoyed and maybe push them back - get into their minds - mind games down the local pub with idiots and bigots - its fun seeing people realise that they are actually quite stupid - and fun as others realise it also.

Regards

Your young I take it?

You'll meet someone - maybe an angry punk riot girl!

I've known a few - and they are fun! Nothing like a first date with a girl who carries a brick in her handbag and who swears at the police.

Jailbait though - has to be said!
 
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mlxjaded

Well-Known Member
#13
#13
I sincerely hope you're doing better. Anyone who is feeling similar to me or worse has my dearest sympathy. It sucks. Feel free to PM me anytime you may want to talk.

- Love your Donnie Darko avatar too!!
 
Why Am I Here

Why Am I Here

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
The drive didn't do shit. All I saw was signs telling me to buy their shit so I can be "hip". I fucking hate consumerism. I could use a fucking friend right about now.... :/
 
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mlxjaded

Well-Known Member
#15
#15
Why Am I Here said:
The drive didn't do shit. All I saw was signs telling me to buy their shit so I can be "hip". I fucking hate consumerism. I could use a fucking friend right about now.... :/
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Recently, whenever I've felt on the brink of suicide, I've listened to this song. Maybe it can help you in the ways it has helped me?
Also, PM me. I'd like to feel needed as a friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrZ-aTyK5DI

-edit-
I know a song suggestion is probably the last thing you want right now. But that's all I know. Music is what gets me by each day. I hope you can find something to live for. I don't mean to sound all preachy-bullshit, either.
 
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Why Am I Here

Why Am I Here

Well-Known Member
#18
#18
Thanks for the love and support guys. I haven't even acknowledged how much people on here care about me. My PM box is growing. Thanks for everything guys. Even though I know none of you, you continue to help me through all my bitching. I don't know if I'm going to kill myself at this point. I'm at a stand-still.
 
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ace

Well-Known Member
#19
#19
I understand what you're saying I'm there right now and it's damn hard i tell ya.I don't know what to do in my life anymore I feel like such a mess by the way,I've had that many occasions where I've been close but didn't go ahead with what I was intending.Why I didn't do what I was intending I don't really know to be honest but i wanted to share with you as you've seen many people do care.
 
IV2010

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#20
#20
'stand-still' is better than where you were before I reckon
hold on until you get your bearings ok
you are cared about here
you're part of our 'family' *hug*
 
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