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As time goes by, my life is getting worse

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Topz, Aug 6, 2016.

  1. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    First of all..
    I just want to say thank you to all people who helped me here in SF.
    And to others who is still helping other people.

    "As time goes by. My life is getting more worse"
    I can't imagine how this depression affects me.. It changed me entirely..
    I just cried today because I lost a friendship with my bestfriend of 5 years..
    I really loved her as bestfriend, but I did a mistake and I really blamed myself and cried out of it..
    SHE is my only bestfriend..

    At the same time, my friends and I had a play with basketball, and we lose because of me..
    We played basketball for over 3 years and I am still sucked at playing basketball.. (Some peoples who played basketball for 2 years are better than me)
    Because of that, my friends got dissapointed to me and it makes me think I am worthless..
    YEAH, basketball is just a game. but I tried to train so hard for 3 years and still sucks.
    Depression changed me entirely..
    Sometimes I thought that I should just gave up because my life is really tiring..
    There is still a little bit happiness I feel in my life.. But the sadness is about like 98%.

    It all happened in the same day,
    And as I said I cried out of it
    and saying to myself that I am worthless repeatedly..
    I am tired.. Physically and emotionally..
  2. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Topz-I'm sorry that you're hurting now although I understand why you feel the way that you do. It is difficult when 98% of the time you feel sad. My immediate reaction (as always) is to try to help you in anyway that I can-I've come a long way in recovery from chronic depression so I always want to help other people who are still struggling. I noticed that you attach your feelings of self-worth to external forces-the opinions of other people, your ability to play basketball, etc. When your feelings about yourself are derived from external circumstances you will always struggle with low self-esteem. Often in life people let you down and turn their back on you-sometimes you don't do well at a certain physical activity.

    It is only when you repair your relationship with yourself that emotional stability can begin to take place-people like us, who struggle with emotional challenges have problems that ordinary people don't understand. We're emotionally handicapped so we are often misunderstood and taken for granted. The only way out of the malaise is to create a strong foundation of self-confidence and self-awareness. Look within yourself for answers-not outside of yourself. You are smarter and wiser than you know-give yourself a chance, take a risk. Don't be so hard on yourself-the rest of the world will beat you up enough, don't do it to yourself. Good luck-LT
    Topz likes this.
  3. Jessicakaire911

    Jessicakaire911 Well-Known Member

    Sports are hard so don't feel bad about that. When you loose a friend your heart opens up and some one new will fill it. You will meet a new person that might be there for life. You have to live to see I guess. Someone else here will give you better advice than me.
    Topz likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just because they are good at basketball doesn't make you a loser or worthless, I am sure there are lots of things you can do that they can't (like supporting people here for one) To hell what they say or think, just be yourself and you will find your way in life. Thanks for being so supportive on the forum and being a great person.
    I am sorry that you believe your depression is worsening, I think your doctor is the best person who can help you regarding that.
    You ARE a great person and worthy of respect and care :)