As useful as a photo of water in the desert

I'm very tired. I feel so physically sick, fevers, constsantly drunk feeling, fatigued, muscle pain, a whole lot more but not bothered to write it. Just want it all to be over. I'm so sad and frustrated because I'm a smart, handsome, funny, genuinely caring, talented, all these things ... I easily recognize that and have an awesome life aside from every increasing physical symptoms (some of which is reflected in my blood work).

I've been in a constant state of research for two years. Depression, immune dysfunction such as autoimmune conditions, heart disease, different cancers, all have very similar roots, and they lay in the GI tract. That 90% of our genetic markers that happen to be bacterial residents of our bodies have a lot to do with our health and out mental state.

Train of thought isn't so good so I'll leave the poetic literal guiding out, reason I want out is beacuse I'm stranded in the desert with a glossy photo of a glass of ice water. Can easily reference any number of abstracts, med jounrals, clinical trials that support new idealogies regarding nearly every pathology one can think of (in my case autoimmune like illnesses and mental breakdown) but there are very few if any at all actual therapies tailored to this emerging knowledge.

I'm 21 years old and broke, hardly able to work, and none of the very few options I have are cheap or covered by health insurance.

Basically I'm a corpse waiting to happen.

I'm terrified to see my body deteriorate any more.

I'm terrified to leave behind all I've accomplished.

I'm terrified to watch the Girl I love see me be terrified.

I just want this to be over.

 

Hi and welcome to the forum. :hug:

I am so sorry to hear of your pain and i wonder have you tried to apply for any help from your government? Please continue posting to let us know what is happening to you and please try to seek help from your government to cover your medical bills.

:hug:

 

Spend whatever time you have with people you love, if it's gotten to the point when it's terminal...then the best you can do is live each day as long as possible.

Make each day count more than a month.

 

Are there any pain clinics in your area?? That might be something to look into.. Some people have luck with accupuncture also..

 

All options are rendered pretty much moot, have no money and a family that is content to say "Oh ... well that's too bad ... sorry to hear that".

Fuck, juts out of all options and spiralling fast ... what kills me about this, about most of our situations, is that it's so damn useless, there's no reason for our suffering. It's Human interferance with zero purpouse (besides often personal gain, somebody have to have their faces trodden upon).

Back when the US was prompted into World War II, what happened? We had mobilized, converted most of out output into arms and provisions, and taken down multiple world terrors in three years. That is nothing in terms of time.

When it comes to internal issues such as the state of overall health ... (and I'm not being assumptive when I say that if you're suicidial there is some underlying issue with your body that is creating an excess output of stress hormones, and screwing with your Hypothalamus - Pituitary - Gut Axis, all of which is 97% not "genetic", merely acquired intestinal dysbiosis from our parents and early life that can be fixed rather easily given the proper therapy) ... it's completely insane, we're left to blow in the wind, when this could be the most prosperous time in history for the Human Race.

Coulda, woulda, Shoulda I guess ... ahhhh fuck.

Just wish somebody would turn off the rollercoaster, I'd like to get off.