As usual, I fucked up badly.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Aug 2, 2016.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I had a job interview today, and I was actually feeling fairly confident and in good spirits. I was feeling nervous, but managed to keep it under control. I went into the video store and looked around for a bit. There were some women behind the counter, but since I was about 20 minutes early, I figured I should just look around until it was my time to be interviewed. I waited and waited, even past the time my interview was supposed to start, but no one came to talk to me. Customers came in and employees waited on them, but no one acknowledged me at all. I just didn't know what to do. I was too nervous to speak. The longer I waited, the more nervous I became. I even started crying and tried to pass it off as allergies. then it got to be too much to bear. I left after being there for like half an hour. One of the employees saw that I couldn't open the door, so he pushed some latch to open it for me. No one asked if I needed help with anything, no one said a word to me. Surely they could see I had been crying. My eyes were red and blotchy. I cried all the way home, but no one stopped to ask if I was ok. No one noticed me at all. No one ever cares how I am doing, so I suppose that is not a big surprise.

    When I arrived home, my mom was outside talking to the neighbor. I thought I would be able to sneak in before she got home and pretend like I had a real interview. No, she saw what I was like, I told her I wasn't ok but I also said nothing was wrong. I don't want to talk to her about it. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. A lot of people were rooting for me. I just let them all down. My friend was assuring me I could do it. I've failed him and I am sure he will hate me now. If I can't even get over my nerves to have a job interview, how will I ever work? I won't because I am a failure and always will be. Now I know the only solution is suicide because I will always be a gigantic loser. Now I know my time on this earth is limited, and I need to act on my plan soon.
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I feel a bit better now. I talked to a few friends and gained some perspective on things. But I have a huge headache and feel worn down. I just feel like I can't accomplish anything at all.
     
  3. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    WS-I don't know where to start! No-you're not a loser. No-you're not a failure. No-you didn't let your friend down. It sounds like the staff at that place is rude-you probably did yourself a favor by walking out of the door and not looking back. Sometime things happen for the best and it has no reflection on your worth at all. Please don't be so hard on yourself-the rest of the world will beat you to a pulp just about every day-don't be as mean to yourself as they are. I'm sincerely sorry that the interview didn't pan out-I don't want to minimize that in any way, but I hate to see you beat yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. I'm thankful that you had some friends to talk to-please be good to yourself. Best wishes-LT
     
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  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are way way way too hard on yourself lass. You beat yourself up worse than I do and I hit pretty freakin hard!
     
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  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you both for your kind replies. I just don't see how I can hold down a job with such bad anxiety. And I am even on anti-anxiety meds. I worry I can never do it, and can't live up to my full potential.
     
  6. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Hey, you should be proud of yourself for going. Well done!
     
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  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I am proud of going there, but can't stop beating myself up about failing the rest.
     
  8. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Job interviews are one of the nost stressful things that exist. Don't feel to bad about it really, any human ressources person would tell you how common it is that people don't make it.

    I used to go to temp agencies to get a job before i got something stable. Temp agencies will give you an interview but it's just to see what kind of job would suits you.

    Good luck!
     
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  9. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    When I was really going through it-struggling to get through every day I went through many jobs. I ended up scrubbing dirty toilets in a bar to keep a roof over my head-it was the only job I could find where I didn't have to be around people. You have nothing to be ashamed of-you'll find a job that is the right fit for you, I know you will. Just be kind to yourself-be one of the good guys in your life story, not one of the bad guys. Best wishes dear-LT
     
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  10. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Now tell me no one cares........kiddin ok. But you can see how much we all love and care about you. You will succede, its just a matter of time. And everyone at SF is right behind you, all the way.
     
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  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Thank you. I will look into temp agencies and see what they will do for me. I feel rude for having just left, but I feel embarrassed to explain why I left. I don't know if they would schedule another interview. I just feel really dumb right now.
     
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    That does help, I just need more confidence in myself. I am really worn down just from panicking. It takes a lot out of me.
     
  13. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You dont have to tell me, I am king of the panic attack. They drive me crazy. The meds control the heartrate which goes off the scale, but the other stuff that goes with the territory, thats another story. So I empathise with you, anxiety is no freakin fun for sure. But you can find ways to manage it. I am doing that now.
     
  14. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I just feel really weird, no energy at all. Seems easier to shut down at this point.
     
  15. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Its certainly easier to just shut down, but theres no fun in that. Exploring our warped minds, now thats fun [he says in a very masochistic voice]. If ever you want to talk about techniques for dealing with some stuff, I am no expert, but I keep it in laymans terms. Some of it just takes a little practice. I do one method with a sweet/candy and at the end of it I get the sweet/candy. You are allowed to reward yourself, so I do.
     
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  16. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Well my friend won't talk to me so I really fucked that up too. Just don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do is always wrong.