ascension

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#1
hi, i've actually followed these forums for a few years, but apparently my user got deleted or lost in the depths of the interweb.

so, i'm probably gonna kill myself <mod edit - timelines>.

my reasons, as stupid as they may sound, are as follows:
1. i feel like this world isn't for me, nothing to aspire to, nothing that excites me to the point of actually being interested in succeeding.
2. as hard as i try, i am unable to create and maintain relationships(not just romantic, mind you); friendship doesn't interest me, lovers don't excite me.
3. i have no feelings. i don't care about anything, even though i have tried to force myself into feeling anything, for example pain or sadness or happiness.
4. i just feel alone, with nowhere to go, nothing that would make me want to pursue said target or location in the future.

i am on antidepressants and antipsychotics, i am not an idiot, my parents are both extremely intelligent(both also mildly-extremely depressed), i'm in a nice place in my life, it would seem.
i suppose for anyone else in my shoes, it would seem so.
im good at most everything that you could think of: first aid, math, physics, survival, english, physical education, computers and all things IT, etc.

i just can't seem to find motivation or reasoning, so i was thinking why the fuck shouldn't i kill myself? maybe i'll come back to life in the future, maybe in the past: it's gotta be better than this.
This world is messed up, even by my standards(and those are quite high, trust me): people killing each other for religion, land, money(of all things); just so that they could live a happier life, by having more things which have been made by someone else and then try to express their individualism by other people's creations. it's just silly.
i hope one day existence will be more humane, less concentrated on materialistic possessions and all.

and, inb4 "people love you, think about them": my life is my own, no one elses.
 

Unknown_111

Forum Buddy
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
I'm.so sorry to hear that you are suffering and that's not nice. Please don't do anything as we care about you and that must mean something. I know that your suffering with medication but you remember you are still here. That's says something about your character and means something. I might be a stranger but it's shows that someone somewhere does care about you. You are not alone in suffering.
 

3.141592654

Well-Known Member
#3
You asked "why the fuck shouldn't i kill myself?" but that can obviously countered with "why the fuck should i kill myself?" You talk about coming back, but given what we know right now, there is probably no such thing as coming back.

I have not found any point in living, but the one thing I know is that if I kill myself I'll never find any point. But staying alive there is a (n admittedly very small) chance of finding a point.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
I am not going to tell you ''everything will be better tomorrow'' however I can say for sure that suicide is not the right decision, there are so many options, like a game of lego the blocks are building every day in the mental health system, I just wish the stigma around mental health in general is very ignorant. You cannot know for sure you will go to a better place when you leave this one...no one does. I suggest you make the most of what you have now (I know sounds incredibly easy but a massive effort to succeed) but at ;least give it a go. There's no shame in saying you need some help or advice, after all 1 in 4 people on the planet will suffer with depression at some point in their lives.
 
#5
i'll answer in depth later on, but for now i'd like to share a collection of reasons, why suicide is not that bad a call.
besides, life, as far as i've survived it, seems to be nothing but suffering and pain and bullshit, day in and day out.
sorry for being a fuck-up, guys.
<mod edit:encouraging suicide>
all the reasons written there are reasons i have thought of several times, so i'm just happy that someone managed to write those things down.

thanks for having me, guys.
 
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