hi, i've actually followed these forums for a few years, but apparently my user got deleted or lost in the depths of the interweb. so, i'm probably gonna kill myself <mod edit - timelines>. my reasons, as stupid as they may sound, are as follows: 1. i feel like this world isn't for me, nothing to aspire to, nothing that excites me to the point of actually being interested in succeeding. 2. as hard as i try, i am unable to create and maintain relationships(not just romantic, mind you); friendship doesn't interest me, lovers don't excite me. 3. i have no feelings. i don't care about anything, even though i have tried to force myself into feeling anything, for example pain or sadness or happiness. 4. i just feel alone, with nowhere to go, nothing that would make me want to pursue said target or location in the future. i am on antidepressants and antipsychotics, i am not an idiot, my parents are both extremely intelligent(both also mildly-extremely depressed), i'm in a nice place in my life, it would seem. i suppose for anyone else in my shoes, it would seem so. im good at most everything that you could think of: first aid, math, physics, survival, english, physical education, computers and all things IT, etc. i just can't seem to find motivation or reasoning, so i was thinking why the fuck shouldn't i kill myself? maybe i'll come back to life in the future, maybe in the past: it's gotta be better than this. This world is messed up, even by my standards(and those are quite high, trust me): people killing each other for religion, land, money(of all things); just so that they could live a happier life, by having more things which have been made by someone else and then try to express their individualism by other people's creations. it's just silly. i hope one day existence will be more humane, less concentrated on materialistic possessions and all. and, inb4 "people love you, think about them": my life is my own, no one elses.