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ASD complaints

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#1
So, i've been turning this idea over in my head for a couple of weeks, but i think it could be nice if we had a space where my fellow autistic members could gather and vent about things related specifically to their ASD that gets on their nerves, be it petty or major. I think it could be a really positive experience, both for the sake of the ASD members who may feel less alone in their frustrations, and for other members who may learn a thing or two about living with autism. I know there are plenty of misconceptions and prejudices that we could gripe about.

I'll start us off. One thing that bothers me about the way autism is discussed by neurotypicals is that they so often refer to it as a condition that causes a lack of empathy. In truth i think it has a lot more to do with us naturally seeing things through a more objective lens of logic and pragmatism. As a result we're way better at empathising with the logic of a person or course of action, but we just don't naturally have the tools to fully understand our own emotions, let alone someone else's, and that makes empathising with another person's feelings trickier. Ironically, once we've been taught how to unpack and examine emotions, we can actually empathise with people even most neurotypicals are unable to, since we're able to more objectively analyse that person in spite of any emotional or moral objections we may have to them. Naturally i'm just speaking from my own perspective and experience here, but that's how i personally see it, other aspies can feel free to disagree with me if they want, i'd kind of hope discussion would be part of this thread too.

So yeah, hopefully other members will feel like they want to join in on this thread, and it can do some good overall. Feel free to get whatever annoyances you have about limitations ASDs put on you, or the ways in which neurotypicals react to your divergence, off your chest. Maybe we can even have some non-ASD members ask questions on their mind if that's something everyone is cool with.
 

Holding my breath

Well-Known Member
#2
This is an excellent idea. I’m not ASD but have two children who are so I’ll be very interested so see what people write. I’m always trying to understand them more so I can support them. It’s frightened me how many people on her are on the spectrum as I know that depression and suicide is often experienced by people on the spectrum, especially Aspergers. Take care. X
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#3
I agree, sounds a fine idea. The first person I consider a friend of any kind told me she was Asperger's and I have seen that is now considered ASD. We met as student work study employees at the junior college together. Interesting was she told me we were friends and were going stay as long as they lived in this area which could have been 6 months or for good. We knew each other 2 years before they moved from the Waco TX area to the Austin TX area and recognized we would probably never have much if any contact at all after that. That was a long time before the internet and we would just drift away and it would become a chore to stay in touch with each other. The bond with us was I am schizoid so both of us felt outside of the world around us. I got to know Sherri, her husband and their three children very well. She was one of the few people beyond certain family I have every been close to in any way. It was not that she did not like others or have empathy in a way much like myself just that the concept of really being part of things was foreign to both of us. I know that both her and her husband always told me I was the only person she considered a friend while in this area or had opened up with and welcomed into her inner circle of life. She liked others but it was situational at school for her.
 

Nick the Fantastical Duck

☆☆Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
@Cynic Goat I like this. So many times I've needed/wanted a place to say something that nobody is going to get, because it's very much an ASD thing. Even a random petty complaint that is truly really bothering me, but I don't think anyone else is going to get it. In fact I don't think people get most of my petty complaints. They really aren't so petty to me, even though they are because in the grand scheme of the world they aren't a big deal. I am highly agitated by things other people see as minimal. I'm rambling, sorry.

As for your thoughts on empathy, I agree with you. While I might not be able to explain to you what the feeling is, I can describe what it feels like. I think sometimes having to spend a majority of my life just trying to get someone to understand even the basics of what I am trying to say has allowed me to understand a much broader range of people.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
@Cynic Goat I like this. So many times I've needed/wanted a place to say something that nobody is going to get, because it's very much an ASD thing. Even a random petty complaint that is truly really bothering me, but I don't think anyone else is going to get it. In fact I don't think people get most of my petty complaints. They really aren't so petty to me, even though they are because in the grand scheme of the world they aren't a big deal. I am highly agitated by things other people see as minimal. I'm rambling, sorry.
I don't see this as rambling at all, i totally agree with you, and that was the kind of idea behind this thread, because i feel like we do need to process things that most non-ASD people may not get the significance of. Plus let's be fair, i kinda feel like a lot of us on the spectrum love to get our ramble on when we're interested in something. :D If there's any place you shouldn't feel the need to apologise for that sort of thing, it's here, right? Although i get what a habit it becomes. *hug10

Like, it's nice to just have a space where i can admit that it kinda hurts my feelings if people laugh at me because one of my mental gaps happens to be tying my shoes, for instance. Other people may not get why that's something i struggle with, or why it's a sore point for people to make fun of, but i'd like to think that others on the spectrum may be able to relate and understand. And so i'd hope this could provide some catharsis for this site's sizeable autistic community in that regard.
 

Nick the Fantastical Duck

☆☆Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
Like, it's nice to just have a space where i can admit that it kinda hurts my feelings if people laugh at me because one of my mental gaps happens to be tying my shoes, for instance. Other people may not get why that's something i struggle with, or why it's a sore point for people to make fun of, but i'd like to think that others on the spectrum may be able to relate and understand.
I think that's something a lot of people on the spectrum can relate to. It doesn't get talked about much, but it's something I've seen brought up frequently.

I have to get thoughts out of my head, or they ruminate there. They become monsters. Just putting them on a piece of paper and sharing it with myself doesn't seem to be enough, but sharing it here, even it it's in a diary that nobody is probably reading, seems to be enough. Maybe not enough to drop it forever, my brain is not that fortunate, but enough to at least set it aside for awhile. I need to be able to resolve things, and when things are left unresolved it stays with me. It doesn't leave. When the unresolved involves another person, and you don't feel like they want to talk about it or hear you or help you resolve it in your head because they don't understand why it's so important, then it's just there and I can't make it leave. This is one of those thoughts I need to get out of my head. The thought about not being about to resolve things, because others just don't want to or don't understand why it is unresolved for me. It's one of the things I've learned I have to accept. It doesn't matter in the end how much it hurts me, it's the price of relationships.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
I have to get thoughts out of my head, or they ruminate there. They become monsters. Just putting them on a piece of paper and sharing it with myself doesn't seem to be enough, but sharing it here, even it it's in a diary that nobody is probably reading, seems to be enough. Maybe not enough to drop it forever, my brain is not that fortunate, but enough to at least set it aside for awhile. I need to be able to resolve things, and when things are left unresolved it stays with me. It doesn't leave. When the unresolved involves another person, and you don't feel like they want to talk about it or hear you or help you resolve it in your head because they don't understand why it's so important, then it's just there and I can't make it leave. This is one of those thoughts I need to get out of my head. The thought about not being about to resolve things, because others just don't want to or don't understand why it is unresolved for me. It's one of the things I've learned I have to accept. It doesn't matter in the end how much it hurts me, it's the price of relationships.
Yeah, i think this kind of thing can often get taken by neurotypical people as "you're making excuses for your behaviour" or "you're obsessing over minutia", but that's not what it is, it's a need to truly understand why something has occurred, why we feel a certain way, what we can do to more proactively respond to those feelings or circumstances. It's a need to establish a clear and accurate picture of reality, and any inaccuracies or gaps in that picture can sort of eat away at us. It's a really important part of our emotional processing, but yeah, as you say, in some ways we have to accept that we can't always have that, because sometimes it can require the cooperation of another person who is unwilling to do so.
 

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