So today all i’ve wanted to do is sleep, eat and cut. I’ve done one of those things… All i’ve done for most of the day is sleep, my depression is actually crippling me right now, I can’t even fucking leave the house to go to the shop that is 30 seconds away from my house to buy rolling papers, I just don’t have the energy or determination to do anything. I was supposed to go to the pharmacy and pick up my medication today, and I didn’t make it, luckily I stockpiled a while back that nobody knows about so the only thing I am missing for tonight is the phenergan, which means I’m likely to have a shitty night to go along with this shitty day. Why can’t I just be fucking normal for once? Why can’t I be the me I used to be, all bright and bubbly and flirtatious and be able to do everything I want to do? Why do I know have to be this shell of myself, huddled under the blankets afraid of the outside world, afraid of breathing. Why does it have to be me going through all this turmoil when the dicks who have ruined my life are strolling around care free, not even giving one thought to the boy they destroyed with their actions, their words. Why do I even still feel any emotion for the sons of bitches who aided my demise? Why do I still care if they remember my name, remember my smile, my laugh, my voice? Why do I let them hold so much control over me? They are nothing and yet they have ruined everything.