Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Things, Aug 3, 2010.

  1. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I've been wondering for years now if I'm asexual or not. I've heard that autistic people are less likely to be sexual, so that might have something to do with it.

    I just find sexual contact of any kind to be unappealing. Even gross. Now, it's not that I'm a prude. I'm very accept of all sexual orientations, and as long as it hurts no one, I don't care what people do in their bedrooms. Hell, I'm a pervert when it comes to jokes.

    But I just don't like the idea of having sex myself. It sounds messy and unpleasant. I'm just worried that if I never try it, I'd never understand my sexuality.

    So uh, any thoughts? I'm kind of nervous about talking about this here, to be honest...

    Edit: And please don't tell me to stop worrying about labels. I know I shouldn't care, but that isn't helpful.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    True asexuals are people who have absolutely no desire for sex or masturbation and they are quite rare. Human beings are sexually reproducing organisms, thus we are sexual beings too. Whether one chooses to actively engage in sexual activity is another matter.
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm not so sure if just thinking that the whole idea of sex is gross- would make you asexual or not...
    Truthfully, I know very little about asexuality; so maybe I'm not much help...
    I can tell you that I know a few people off the top of my head who don't like the idea of sex (although they've never tried it) - and some who think that overall, sex is dirty and messy and gross (but they still have sex anyways)

    I think something you should establish first is whether or not you are sexually attracted to anyone?

    When I was younger; I wondered if I might be asexual because I found myself not attracted to anyone; boy or girl/man or woman and I was totally grossed out by the whole concept of sex.
    I've only ever been sexually attracted to one person in my whole life-- establishing that I am indeed a straight female...for one person-- as for the rest of humanity though, I'm just not interested.

    So... I think that if there was someone you were sexually attracted to- and you were comfortable enough with them; you may find that you actually like sex/love making-- even though it might be a little messy and slightly unpleasant in the beginning.
    It's just nerves and the incomplete image you have about sex holding you back right now.
    Most virgins feel the same way.
  4. faded echoes

    faded echoes Active Member

    I am going to simplify what I'm about to say to avoid writing an entire essay. I find that many people who suffer from a mental illness of some sort believe that they are asexual. This doesn't mean that they actually are (as a poster above stated, asexuality is actually very rare). This is usually because people that are suffering from a mental illness simply do not feel the desire to have sex. This could be for a number of reasons...whether it's medications they're taking, or just the lack of interest. More often than not, someone with a mental illness has many concerns, worries, thoughts etc. What I'm getting at, is that sexuality is not a priority. Sometimes they are not trusting of others, they are preoccupied with other things, do not have a desire to find a partner or many other possible situations.

    Chances are, that once the right person comes around, you could find yourself sexually attracted to them. & although you never really entertained that thought initially, you could very well surprise yourself.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Also, when people have experienced sexual abuse, especially as a child, they might be reluctant to have sexual relationships, but it doesn't mean that they are asexual.
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I think what you are going through is normal. Sex is something that you have to experience in order to make any judgments on the subject. It can be a pleasant experience or an unpleasant one. For the pleasant one I would suggest finding someone that you love, and are attracted to physically and mentally before attempting it. I agree with Dave N on his comments on the subject as well. :hug: I think in all honesty it is easier for your to reject it than to embrace it, because there is fear somewhere in there on the matter. I may be wrong, but if not, I would do some inner searching, and find out where that fear stems from. If not, then disregard my assumption and forgive me, I did not mean to come off any way but helpful. Blessings..
  7. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    It's possible that you are asexual. I have a friend who is asexual. She describes it kind of like you do. Basically she says "Everything down there works, it's just not appealing." She also describes attraction in terms of intellectual and emotional attraction. Sexual attraction never enters into the picture.

    Your lack of desire can also be hormone related, so you might want to get those tested.
  8. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    Well, let's put it this way. Asexuality is really just a lack of a sex drive, so basically you just feel nothing when it comes to it. Then, of course, I could get into the different kinds of emotional attractions that make up subcategories (heteroromantic, biromantic, etc), but I won't because they tend to be pretty self-explanatory.

    My friend put it like this: "Everything works, I just won't feel anything. I mean, if my spouse or something later on wants to do it, I'll do it, I just won't feel anything. It's like put tab A into slot B and wait for something to happen."

    She never thought of sex as being really gross though. I dunno. I'd wait it out and see for now. That's what I'm doing.

    Or, on the other hand, you could think of your sexuality as being fluid. Then you don't need to stick yourself in a label :)
  9. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Sorry for not posting...I'm not having a good couple of days.

    This sounds likely...I don't think I'm asexual after all, I just don't have the time for it.

    Kitty: I honestly can't think of anyone, though I can still appreciate how people look if that counts.

    I'm sorry, I can't say much right now. Maybe later...I appreciate all the thoughtful replies, they're very helpful.
  10. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I don't like being touched, I don't hug, I don't even like shaking hands with people. So I have to find other things in my life that are important to me.