Hi everyone. I hope this is an okay place to confess and vent. I've always been a little sexually different. I I learned fairly early on - in my late teens and early twenties - that I was turned on - a lot - by groups, and orgies, and partner swapping and the like. I told my fiance about it shortly before we got married, and we tried swinging for a while. Long story short - I liked it and she didn't. I had to choose the lifestyle or her. I chose her. Ever since then, I've struggled with monogamy. I have only had a few encounters with women, but a lot more with men, because it's so much easier, and there's no emotional risk for me - I'm not emotionally/romantically attracted to men. But after encounters, I get terrified of having contracted an STD and so I run and get sometimes-expensive tests and hide the expenses from my wife. I've never contracted anything, but I'm in a crisis now with something that resembles primary Syphilis, and I'm terrified again. But mostly I'm just sick of my own bullshit and my own pathetic, inauthentic life. I lie and cheat and threaten the stability of my family. My relationship with my wife is sometimes problematic, but I love my kids so goddamn much. WAY more than I love myself, and I just want to become a better man. For them. Maybe with some help from you guys I can do it. In any case, thanks for reading.