Ashamed of success...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by thepainwithin, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    Is anyone else like this? Like, I'll give you an example, I get a 91 out of 100 on an exam, and I ask someone I studied with how he did, he says he got a 77. Then asks what I got, and I say... I got a 90... BUT that's only because I did the extra credit... Like I'm trying to say, hey I didn't really get a 91, I got lucky.

    And I'm ashamed about talking about my house and lake house in Michigan when people live in a 1 story ranch in rural Kentucky.

    I always tell people my grades are lower than they are.

    I mean, I guess it's modesty, but why am I ashamed that I worked hard and got good grades? It's more than just that, I just can't think of anything right now. I actually hit "Load Saved whatever" at the bottom of this thread and it filled in the title and reminded me of something I was gunna type a few months ago..
  2. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i can understand what you're saying. however sometimes i do this with other accomplishments, for example recently when i got into a good university and people congratulated me but i felt the need to change the topic of conversation or put my own university down so to speak. i guess im not one to brag or boast and considering it now i do find it hard most times to enjoy what i have done. However i think you shouldnt feel the need to hide your achievements, it is something to relish in as you have worked hard and should enjoy what you've worked hard for. you should feel proud of what you've accomplished. You dont seem at all boastful, this is a quality i dislike. So please enjoy what you have worked hard to achieve and im sure others will be happy for you.
  3. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Got to the top of my game, and nobody else gave a damn, in fact they were jealous and tried to tear me down all the time. I refuse to conform or be controlled and that makes others even angrier. My success was for me. I drove myself to it alone. And it's lonely. I spent all the time and years achieving it and I am totally alone. I've tried to be a good role model for others. Been left out of everything though as I was busy achieving. No one could understand that, so looking back, was it all worth it? I should have had a healthy balance of work and people but I didn't because I was too busy.
  4. kaisada

    kaisada Member

    I can only guess that, some kind of inferiority complex or "identity" as someone who can't do much, can't achieve much, and isn't worth much - has formed around me.
    It also has to do with the people that I hang around on a regular basis; most of us are folks who are going through significant struggles of some kind - which gets reflected through academic performance and other measurable things - and I fear how I will be perceived, or if I will "lose a sense of community", if I share that I am in some ways able to perform in ways that the folks around me have yet to be able to do.
    And a fear that if I get too confident, too ahead of myself, that confidence (which, according to my mind, must be at least partly blind) is going to backfire on me in some way.

    Lots and lots of reasons....

    You're totally not alone.
  5. synchrohobbit

    synchrohobbit Active Member

    There isn't anything wrong with this. I don't actually know why your grades or "lake house" would ever come up, so you need to ask yourself if some of this is false modesty. You should be happy with what you have, but you don't have to project it.
  6. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member


    I do not know you or your life story. Even if I did, I and others are not fit to judge you based on your past. I do, however, understand what you are saying.

    Do you feel that you are undeserving of your own success or personal strengths? If so, this is not an uncommon feeling. Over time, I hope you can develop the sense of self that will allow you to accept your own strengths and weaknesses for what they are.
  7. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Well it depends. There are situations where stating what you have and how well you do in things can make you out to other people to be something that you may not like. It's all about your views on their interpreation of you. There's a time and a place for everything, and it's how you do it too. You should never feel ashamed of the things you do, unless you have a real reason to feel that what you've achieved isn't the way you wanted to, or there's something in it that you dislike. Being successful also can seperate you from the people in your life in some sense based on lifestyles and approaches. What you consider acceptable, what you aim for, what you want ect. A comparison to other people can dilute that sometimes, or make you feel awkward I suppose. But ...

    Well it depends. Im not too sure how you mean. Telling people your grades are lower than they are isn't really explaining it. Why do you do that? What possible feeling or thoughts are you harbouring or dealing with that are causing you to diverge from a truth to something else? Is it you dont want to come off as cocky? Are you worried you'll make them feel bad? Are you trying to fit in?
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