The last few weeks have been overwhelming. I live with my aunt, I don't have the means to get my own place and I don't know if I ever will. I'm 30 and I know that is pathetic, but until I can find steady work, or a magic tree that grows money, I have to make the most of what I am able to do. Even though it isn't easy living with my aunt, who seems to only appreciate me when I can do something for her, it's my family members that I am close to that I am angry at more. My mother for example, is very passive aggresive and emotionally selfish, but never sees her own faults and never will. This resulted in a phone argument. I had been holding back a lot of frustration towards her for months and I just got tired of it. I know I was wrong for getting so angry, but I couldn't take it anymore. I was and still am tired of being scapegoated. My mother, who has an amazing ability to deflect all things that is wrong about her back on to you, kept saying why don't i just leave, as if I was talking about living with my aunt solely. She knows I'm not in a position to leave, but throws that over my head no less. In a moment of frustration, I actually did leave that next early morning, with no purpose but I just didn't care. I was just so tired of being part of a family that only sees my faults and acts like they never do anything wrong...especially my mother. The other reason why i left is because I'm too much of a coward to take my life. Well, long story short, I didn't return here for a week. I know I am weak and pathetic in life, but I am so tired of nothing going right. I want to write more, but I'm tired. Sorry if this didn't make sense.