Ashamed to post

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Jul 1, 2012.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    The last few weeks have been overwhelming. I live with my aunt, I don't have the means to get my own place and I don't know if I ever will. I'm 30 and I know that is pathetic, but until I can find steady work, or a magic tree that grows money, I have to make the most of what I am able to do.

    Even though it isn't easy living with my aunt, who seems to only appreciate me when I can do something for her, it's my family members that I am close to that I am angry at more. My mother for example, is very passive aggresive and emotionally selfish, but never sees her own faults and never will. This resulted in a phone argument. I had been holding back a lot of frustration towards her for months and I just got tired of it. I know I was wrong for getting so angry, but I couldn't take it anymore. I was and still am tired of being scapegoated. My mother, who has an amazing ability to deflect all things that is wrong about her back on to you, kept saying why don't i just leave, as if I was talking about living with my aunt solely. She knows I'm not in a position to leave, but throws that over my head no less.

    In a moment of frustration, I actually did leave that next early morning, with no purpose but I just didn't care. I was just so tired of being part of a family that only sees my faults and acts like they never do anything wrong...especially my mother. The other reason why i left is because I'm too much of a coward to take my life. Well, long story short, I didn't return here for a week. I know I am weak and pathetic in life, but I am so tired of nothing going right. I want to write more, but I'm tired. Sorry if this didn't make sense.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    this happens to everyone. it might look as if you will never find a job but keep trying, never say never. i'm also 30.
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, but it's not just not having a job. You know what, just forget it....I'm tired of all of this.
  4. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Please don't give up and never be ashamed to post here that is what this place is for. I wish you the best of luck
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Yeah, well, there is no good luck in my life and I feel more stuck than ever. I wish there was definite way of knowing if my life will ever get better.
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hey, you're back! :hug: I'm sorry I didn't notice this post sooner.

    Okay, I know you aren't exactly happy to be alive right now, but I for one am happy that you are. I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better. I don't think you're pathetic, I never have. At least you're trying for a better life, and that alone makes you better than a lot of people. So you have shitty luck. Yeah, so do I sometimes. It happens. It's not your fault. You're doing the best you can. I don't expect you to feel happy with your situation, but I don't think you should blame yourself for it either.

    I know what you mean, about wishing there was a way to know if things will ever get better... I've always said that I could endure any amount of pain as long as I was guaranteed happiness in the end. But if I had a crystal ball and could look into my future and saw myself in the same misery that I'm in today, I would commit suicide in a heartbeat. The ONLY reason I'm still alive is because I don't know what the future holds. I'm 33 and I'm still waiting for a reason to live. Yeah, I have a job... yeah, I got away from my crazy family... but now I'm stuck in a different situation, and I'd almost prefer to still be living with my crazy family. I know our situations are different, but the feeling of being stuck without a way out is the same. I'm not any less pathetic than you just because I have a job... I got laid off 3 years ago, and quite frankly, I'm lucky that I found the job that I did. That's all it was, was pure luck. For once, something went right in my life. And if something can go right for me once in a blue moon, the same can happen to you. Like Tom Petty says, even the losers get lucky sometimes. I don't mean to suggest that we're losers, but you know what I mean... as long as you're on this planet, there's always a chance that you will find what you've been looking for. Granted, it may be a longshot, but that's never stopped anybody from playing the lottery anyway. And I know somebody who literally won the lottery... with odds of like fifty million to one. Fifty million to one! This is somebody I personally know, not just someone I read about in the paper. I knew them before they won... in fact, I've known them my entire life, because I'm related to that person. If somebody can overcome odds like that, then you and I can certainly overcome the odds that are stacked against us. Your chance of finding a way out of your situation are a LOT better than fifty million to one. It may take a while, but you'll get there eventually. You just have to keep trying. My motto in life has always been, "expect the worst but hope for the best". I'm never surprised when I fail, but I keep trying anyway in the hopes that one time I won't. It's hard to see past the mountain of shit that you're dealing with, I know that. And it's hard to hope for something better when you've never had anything better. But just keep trying anyway, because you never know when your luck might turn. I know it's a bit of a cliché, but it's true - you haven't truly failed until you've given up. You still live, therefore you still have hope. You're not a failure, you're a survivor who has suffered a temporary setback. Hang in there... you're stronger than you think.
  7. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    Pathetic ?......for feeling as you do, living with a relative?......I doubt very much that is a truth. You may feel it is, many others, and I guess I speak for all responding to this thread, don't for a second think of you as pathetic. I worked with a man who was pathetic, who lived at home, he did it by choice, not for the reasons you are.
    Tired of nothing going right, yes, I can relate to that, and the feeling of not making sense, those words ring so true for me also.
    I can't wave a magic wand and make things right, dammit, I so wish we could do that, maybe the best any of us can do is to let you know there are people who care, we may not know you, but we care.
    Blissfull peace.
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