Ashamed

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Raskolnikov, Feb 24, 2011.

  1. Raskolnikov

    Raskolnikov Member

    Hi all, I'm new (not just to here but internet forums in general). While there are several factors in my life that are contributing to me joining the SF, the largest one has to do with sexual orientation. I in the last couple months have accpeted the fact that I find men sexually attractive. To be honest I do not know what I am concerning gay/bi/straight because I do not know what feelings are real and what feelings are denial or learned feelings. I think I still find girls attractive. I am 20 and in college. I have been on several dates and enjoyed them. But... I just don't know if that makes any sence. Recently though all I can think about concerning...fantasy for lack of a better word... is completely about men. I find a few of my friends attractive. I find all of this very destressing. I recently (last 2 weeks) have started cutting. I want to be straight, completely, with out creeping thoughts in the shadows of my mind. Please do not misunderstand I have no bad feelings for people that accept feelings such as this. It is just I personally do not want to have them. I suppose I just want some emotionaly support, or advice. though as far as advice goes I don't know what really can be said.
     
  2. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    it could be just a phase you're going through...
    i believe everyone gets bi-curious sometime in their lives... and tbh, i don't believe one can be 100% straight or gay...

    i think you shouldn't worry about it to much... whether you're straight or gay, you like what you like... you shouldn't repress it =]

    why are you ashamed of this? do you have any gay friends? or know someone that's gay?
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sexual orientation is not a 'straight' line (intended)...it is only when we 'program' ourselves to not like something, that it is excluded from the menu...I consider myself a straight woman, but have met several women I would change teams for...enjoy what you enjoy and worry less about the category...J
     
  4. Raskolnikov

    Raskolnikov Member

    I really do not have any gay friends. I mean I live in the South (Usa) and you are either in the 99% straight community or out of it. And the few gay people I know I do not identify with at all. Besides that all my social connection hinge on me being straight. I suppose formost is the fraternity I'm in. You could imagine how that would go over. But honestly its not fear of rejection that has me so distressed its the fact that I simply do not want to be that way. Im quasi christian (....which stinks because most christians think your radical and non christians think your too dogmatic.) I grew up in a very religous family they would be shocked at my views on it haha. (sorry for tangent there) where i was going with that is while I dont know how I feel about homosexuality on an intelectual level, I have a deep rooted rejection of it and it makes me feel so bad when i have these thoughts.
     
  5. therunner

    therunner Member

    I'm not sure if I am allowed to link to other forums, but www.gayteenforum.org helped me out a lot when I was struggling with my sexual orientation. You will find that there are a lot more people out there (even in the south) that are going through the same things you are.

    It is a shame that we live in such a heteronormative society where being 100% straight is the only thing that is considered "normal."
     
  6. Raskolnikov

    Raskolnikov Member

    You know it really is a shame that its that way. I wish I could just explore these feelings without worrying about what may happen concerning being found out. But i feel so trapped.
     
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Attempting to be non-offensive here(tends to fail) but southern USA is pretty fucked over. The reason why the majority of them are religious/redneck etc is because they come from extremely poor backgrounds. Where all the liberal/modern areas are a lot better off. I go by a general formula that the farther you get away from the coast/large bodies of water, people tend to go crazy....which allows them to become ignorant because all they have is bible bashers ever since they grew up.

    It sounds like you're dealing with a bit of internalized homophobia.

    What are your plans in life? Where do you want to go? Where do you want to end up? What kind of life do you want to live?

    There are many gay accepting places in america(I tend to stay away from the US for various reasons anyway....), and if your country is the problem then look at other places. Ok...that may sound drastic....but Europe is basically one big powerhouse of futuristic society unlike the majority of what america is dealing with(again...no offence). Or....you could jump the border to Canada! :laugh:

    In regards to the religious conflictions with homosexuality. The bible and majority of religions that revolve around it were written and put together in a time that is very different from ours. Not only was being gay illegal, but things like slavery were legal, selling of daughters, killing 'lower beings' etc etc. The King James version of the bible was retranslated and published because people were starting to learn to read....and before church and state separated in many places, life was crap anyway(virtual free reign, little to no law/existing government).

    Have you ever sought counselling about your sexuality? There could be many things a therapist could help you with, eg; try to brake down the stigma.

    Just remember this: your situation may feel shit only because of your location. The entire world isn't like the people you are surrounded by. :)

    EDIT: I'm a member of the GayTeenForum.com, it's pretty good to be able to talk to others like you. There are actually quite a lot of guys from the south on that site :laugh:.
     
  8. Androgyny

    Androgyny Well-Known Member

    Sex/Sexuality is a sliding scale. We are all human and we all fall somewhere in between the extreme masculine and extreme feminie aspects...( My username should suggest I've spent plenty of time thinking on this subject!) it's all about the individual, not the gender they are most closely aligned to.

    One thing I've got to say, is that it seems like you would benefit from moving to a more liberal locale.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2011
  9. Raskolnikov

    Raskolnikov Member

    Yeah I probably would. Unfortunately I'm in college right now, not much wiggle room as of now. It's been a few days since ive posted this and I actually am starting to accept it a litte more. Still horribly deppresed but hey its a start. thanks for your input guys
     
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I am also a member of GTFO. It really helped me accept myself. You just have to watch out for a lot of the people on there.