I felt I was doing so well..It's been almost a year, until tonight. I am so ashamed of myself. It makes me hate myself more than I already do, which is damn near impossible. I am way to old to be doing things like this, I should know how to stop myself, and have other outlets. But I guess somethings you just don't ever really quit. All this shame, anger, sadness and self hatred just make me want to do it again. Keep thinking, you already 'effed up a year of "sobriety", why stop now? You deserve the pain more now than you did 30 minutes ago" And yet the physical pain brings a relief... oy. I'm soooo horrid. Can't ever do anything right. No wonder everyone hates my guts, most of all, myself.