Ashamed :(

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lissa08, Apr 16, 2011.

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  1. lissa08

    lissa08 Member

    I felt I was doing so well..It's been almost a year, until tonight. I am so ashamed of myself. It makes me hate myself more than I already do, which is damn near impossible. I am way to old to be doing things like this, I should know how to stop myself, and have other outlets. But I guess somethings you just don't ever really quit.
    All this shame, anger, sadness and self hatred just make me want to do it again. Keep thinking, you already 'effed up a year of "sobriety", why stop now? You deserve the pain more now than you did 30 minutes ago"
    And yet the physical pain brings a relief... oy. I'm soooo horrid. Can't ever do anything right. No wonder everyone hates my guts, most of all, myself.
  2. NotAnotherUserName

    NotAnotherUserName Banned Member

    Self harming is a way that many of us use as a release mechninism, you should be proud you lasted almost a year without it, not many people can, so well done, you should be very happy for yourself Think of something positive about yourself, anything you enjoy? Do a scrap book about the good old times or something that will remind you that you can be a amazing person, only if you believe in yourself though. Don't put yourself down by putting negative thoughts in yourself, are you getting any help such a counselling? If so could you talk about these with your couseller? Nobody deserves pain, not even you, believe me, when ever you feel like cutting why not come on here first, drop in to the lovely chat room and talk to people about what is happening? How would that be for you? Drop me a PM if you wish to talk :hug:

  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    no need to be ashamed...i am sure we have all here fallen off the wagon so to speak, and age has nothing to do with how you feel, from the day we are born we are capable of pain right till the day we die...i long gave up telling myself i should know better, it doesnt help to beat the demons, so throw that belief out the window.

    just regard this as a have done well till now and shows how strong you are and you can start again...dont let this slip set you back :poo::console:
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I wish I had a penny for everyone who has fallen off the wagon...we are human and so very is what you do now that you going to regain your sense of being OK or are you going to throw your hands up...I suggest that you get the support you deserve and forgive yourself...big hugs, J
  5. lostkatie1995

    lostkatie1995 Member

    It's the same thing with me. I hadn't cut myself in almost a year and a half and then a few weeks ago, it all got to be way too much too handle and I snapped and cut again. I haven't stopped since :(
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    we all slip. it's okay. forgive yourself. be gentle and kind to yourself. start again. i know you can do it.
  7. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    I slip alot. Use this opportunity to relearn your triggers.
  8. lissa08

    lissa08 Member

    I know I can probably get back on the wagon, so to speak, I've been doing this on again, off again thing for 8 yrs. It just seems like I should have been able to resist. The thing that really scares me is the relief it brought. Instant calm and satisfaction, then came the guilt. I guess I had forgotten the feeling. I'm afraid I won't be able to stop again. I don't really want to, although I know I have to.
  9. NotAnotherUserName

    NotAnotherUserName Banned Member

    :hug: Could you speak to someone about this? Drop me a PM if you wish to talk :hug:

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