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Asked out to lunch...oh boy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    And not just any casual lunch, he wants to have a date.

    Okay, so here's the story. This guy that I know from a protest last year (but don't really know him well at all, just mere casual acquaintances) and also chat periodically in a cultural group we're both in on Facebook, just sent me a message:

    He's a grad student at the University of Memphis, but is from DC. He's very well read and we share many of the same social, cultural, and political ideologies. Plus, he's an Aries and I'm a Gemini (shwing).

    However, I have issues. I'm a problem. I don't have any confidence when it comes to romantic endeavors right now, I don't have self-esteem, I lack pride, and I'm generally not a happy person. I'm not a person that people like and have never been. I also have rage and hate many, many things. The last thing I want to do is get friends who are happy and don't know me well. Under different circumstances, I'd gleefully accept his invitation, but I really just don't want to get into a friendship with anyone where getting close is even made possible. I also have avoidant personality disorder.

    I've been able to subside my problems temporarily for work or meeting people I know don't care about being friends with me. But when it comes to something like this, I have to put myself in a position that's likable so that I don't feel embarrassed or outright awkward. And quite frankly, I don't want to be anyone's friend right now.

    Usually, I'm the expert at this stuff when it comes to helping other people with the right thing to do. But always doubtful of what to do when it comes to myself (aren't we all).

    So, suicideforum who knows all of my problems and disturbia, what should I do and how should I handle this, instead of ignoring him? :unsure:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He sees a lot in you to ask you out. He sees someone who is intelligent well read and enjoyable to be with and talk to. Go for it be yourself don't put on a facade and enjoy your outing take care.
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Well you like him right? So ya gotta keep it open. Dont burn your bridge with him anyway. Like if you dont feel up to going out with him, why not say that you are just outta a relationship and your taking some you time and that way if you want to contact him in the future, the opportunity is still there.

    Are you sure your not up for the date???
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I'm absolutely certain. I'm thinking maybe I should give it a day ortwo or sleep on it and make a decision. I was thinking of just telling him that I'll keep his offer in mind during the break, but I don't want to be friends with anyone. That makes me sound like a douchebag.

    I don't really like him, no, but he seems like a decent person, so I don't dislike him; I barely know him. But I don't want to really get to know him.

    I don't know the best way to tell him, "No, sorry, don't want friends right now."
  5. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    just tell him that your flattered and appreciate the offer and that you'l keep it in mind but your going through a few things at the moment and the timing doesnt suit. You dont need to go into detail about anything. You dont need to give an exact reason just some it up a little ya know. Take a day to have a think but dont leave it too long as im sure he is checking his account to see if he has a reply for you, he clearly likes you :)
  6. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Okies. Well, I thought about it, and just told him no.

    What an idiot (me).
  7. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Lol, you shot him down hard, he'll probably take it the wrong way...
  8. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I don't think it's bad at all. She was honest. The timing isn't the best. She was truthful.
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think you handled it the right way, better to be honest than go out and give him the wrong impression. You did say maybe another time so who knows, he might invite you again when the timing is better.
  10. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Wow, this guy's situation reminds me a little of me. It's always timing, but to us it just means it's us... Shot down, bang bang.

    Hope you end up feeling better!