Let me tell you my story,
Last year i had a very bad time, i mean i'm always depressed but that was really bad, i had a thought flash through my mind ... only once ... but that was enough. The thought was for me to kill my famly and my self. That flash that lasted less than a second scared me so much that without telling anyone i just upped and left for the hospital.
There i met a doctor and i told him everything, within 20 minutes i had a private doctor with me at all time(in my area there is a serious lack of doctors so in it self this is not ordinary) they talked to me for 2 days straight just learning about me and without judging me. I was signed in the hospital and i stayed for 1 month.
There they explained to me that my thought that scared me was in reality an alarm signal my brain sent me to tell me i needed to do something and fast ... i never told this to anyone for fear of being judged.
This is when i learned i was bipolar, this is where i learned about my condition.
My experience was a good one and i would do it in a heartbeat if the situation arose again.
If you want to seek medical advise i strongly support it. Most of the places wont judge you and they wont send you to an insane asylum ... they cant unless you did a criminal act and ordered there by a judge or if you are under 18 and your family signes you in.
so dont worry, go there and spill your guts you will see it is nice to have a living human being listen to you and genuinly try to help you.
i was and still am beyond help ... but when it gets really dark and stormy i can still fall back on tips and tricks they gave me to get through it.
Malek.