I was having what most people might say is a slightly stressful day at work but with my coping threshold these days it felt extremely stressful. On my drive home all I did is play all my trigger songs and vividly fantasise about going through the actions of suicide. I was tempted to turn the car around and actually do it but part of me just wanted to go home. It's now like a drug, something I resort to to feel good. It felt so good I came home in a good mood. I felt so alive and so in control of everything. i can't emphasise how in control I felt and still do. I am in control. No one else. Me. And no one other than you guys reading this knows about it.