Asking him back

Discussion in 'I Need Some Practical Advice' started by Jolene, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    @may71 thank you.

    Well, first of all, you know mw here but he doesn't know ANYTHING. I don't text him everyday, I never did after the break up. I never begged. I never called him crying or text him drunk or something like that.. My therapist says that I've always acted rationally, avoiding impulses and without drama even it I'm having an awful time. If he answers in minutes, fine. If he waits a week, fine too. I never complaint. I show him my happy side (one of my friends thinks that it's a mistake meking him think that I'm ok with everything but what else would I do?). Even when he didn't meet me last time, I didn't text him again, it was him saying "I am ashamed to text you now after having failed you" and I acted cool, like I haven't been crying for days. I'm dependant now, yes, but he doesn't know. And when we were together, I only became clingy at the end. I never stopped going out with my friends (he was less social than me and usually I had dinners and plans and he stayed in his home with his pets or his family) and he loved that part of me. He doesn't know about my situation now, he mustn't.
    I always say that if he gave me another chance, this wouldn't be like "ok, my life is perfect now, I'm happy forever". No, I am realistic and know that I would have a hard work to do with my insecuries and this "trauma". But I would be willing to. And I know that he would help. He is aware that he isn't acting perfectly, he told me sometimes. But nothing of this matters since I won't get him back.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    You're welcome! :)

    That's actually a good sign. So if you can just get back to being your old self again, things could work out.

    You can't tell the future.

    No matter what, getting to a place where you are not dependent is the way forward.
    Jolene likes this.
  3. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    That's complicated. I love him, I miss him badly, more everyday and I can't help it. He was amazing, he is, but he isn't with me anymore. And knowing how it was to be with him... It kills me thinking that another girl can have that.
    I must say that I didn't act like this. As a matter or fact, he was the one telling me how happy I made him (even after the break up, I made him happy several times, he said) and how good he felt with me. In the end I became a little needy and negative but I wasn't telling him things like that. And now...I will never have the chance. I need a miracle and the miracle isn't happening
  4. JulieDegraw

    JulieDegraw Well-Known Member

    I apologise May. It wasn't my intention but i can see how it came off as a demand. That's the tricky thing with txt. You can't see facial expressions and you don't know the person behind the screen. I really didn't mean to tell you what to do :)
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Apology accepted. I apologize too :)
    JulieDegraw likes this.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    This negative fortune telling isn't helping you. Unless you claim to be a psychic, there's no basis for thinking that you can see what will happen. CBT might help you with that.
    You don't need a miracle. You just need to do the work to get to a point where you can be healthy enough to be in a relationship, and right now you're not.

    Instead of saying "I will never have the chance", why not focus on doing what you can to give yourself a chance? If he really means that much to you, wouldn't it be a tragedy if there really was a chance, and your threw it away being negative?
  7. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    You are right but...It's difficult. I'm always scared that he may be dating another girl and...if he does, he will never come back to me. I'm broken and...I don't know what to do. I try to focus on my studies and things like that but that's impossible, I have too much fear