I've been struggling with depression for a long time, I've gone through some severe episodes but this time feels different. I can't seem to pick myself up. Everything is a struggle. Just getting out of bed feels like a battle,I don't eat,I can't sleep. its disgusting but I have to "psyche myself up" to do simple things like take a shower or even brush my teeth. Every aspect of my life makes me miserable. I have literally no friends. not a single one. I haven't held a job in years and I flunked out of college. My family and my boyfriend try to reassure me, they say I "have so much to live for". They tell me I have a poor attitude and things would get better if I just applied myself. It's not like I haven't been trying all these years. When I look at my life I feel shame. I feel embarrassed that I have nothing to show,nothing to give. At night I lay awake thinking of all the ways I screwed up. I see other people and their lives are so simple and they can feel happy. I think why can't I have just a little bit of that happiness? I know I sound like a brat- complaining just to complain. But I really feel a hurt in my heart. I want to disappear. I want to sleep and never wake up. This sadness feels like it will never end.