Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluemondays88, Mar 23, 2014.

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  1. bluemondays88

    bluemondays88 New Member

    I've been struggling with depression for a long time, I've gone through some severe episodes but this time feels different. I can't seem to pick myself up. Everything is a struggle. Just getting out of bed feels like a battle,I don't eat,I can't sleep. its disgusting but I have to "psyche myself up" to do simple things like take a shower or even brush my teeth. Every aspect of my life makes me miserable. I have literally no friends. not a single one. I haven't held a job in years and I flunked out of college. My family and my boyfriend try to reassure me, they say I "have so much to live for". They tell me I have a poor attitude and things would get better if I just applied myself. It's not like I haven't been trying all these years. When I look at my life I feel shame. I feel embarrassed that I have nothing to show,nothing to give. At night I lay awake thinking of all the ways I screwed up. I see other people and their lives are so simple and they can feel happy. I think why can't I have just a little bit of that happiness? I know I sound like a brat- complaining just to complain. But I really feel a hurt in my heart. I want to disappear. I want to sleep and never wake up. This sadness feels like it will never end.
  2. Liquid Jello

    Liquid Jello Well-Known Member

    hello Blue:

    I don't think ur complaining at all. things sound particularly tough at the present time. I can totally relate to basically everything you said. and I'm sorry to hear that your feeling so badly. it so sucks. and for someone to say it's about a "poor attitude" simply shows how little they really understand and/or know about depression. trust me, depression has nothing whatsoever to do with one's attitude. I know you're trying the best you can, even if that means lying in bed all day under a blanket. depression can affect people in that way. and I too struggle with the feelings at times of not having accomplished much and/or not being able to do as much as I'd like. also, ur exactly right, blue, in that u deserve to have some happiness, just like anybody else. but again, depression can take that away from people at times.

    just wondering, are you on any kind of medications? have you seen a doctor and/or therapist? sometimes the depression can simply be too much to handle on one's own without some help. I'm glad you posted here. believe it or not, that's a good start, even if that's the only thing you "accomplish" today.

    hope you feel up to posting again and/or visiting the chatrooms where people can offer additional support. there are a lot of good people here. and they'll "get it" in terms of what you're going thru.

    warm regards,

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope to you can find the right therapy meds to help you get out of the sadness some hugs
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