Asperger's Syndrome

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AdamJ, Jul 28, 2010.

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  1. AdamJ

    AdamJ New Member

    I'm wondering if there is anyone else here with AS.

    Like most others here, I'm absolutely on the verge of doing it. On the one hand, I know I should stick around for the sake of my kids. On the other hand, they would benefit financially from my Death in Service benefit (no suicide exclusion, I've already checked).

    I'm completely messed up and worthless. This is probably my one and only message here. I'm not even sure what the point was of registering here.

    Best wishes,

    Adam
     
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Your children need you more than any money. PLEASE STAY AND WE WILL HELP YOU THROUGH. I am praying for you and hope you do too. Sending love and hope. PLEASE STAY HERE AND FIND HOPE!!!!
     
  3. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    A new psychiatrist just diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome...it's so strange. I don't know how I feel about it.

    You're not the only one with thoughts like those you posted above. Your kids...they will not get over this if you take your life. No matter how worthless you think you are, you are infinitely valuable to them.

    And as pathetic as this sounds, I'm absolutely jealous that you have children. :( I've come to the conclusion that I'll never have a home, never have any financial security, never have a spouse or children, never take a trip to another country, etc...

    The past couple of days, I've been reduced to tears. The people I opted to stick it out for...one of them doesn't trust me with her kids, and another of them doesn't think enough of me to include me in their plans with the kids. :(
     
  4. jim_jones

    jim_jones Member

    I have the Assburgers too, not that it matters, it's just a label you still have to deal with life like everyone else.
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    How does Aspergers Syndrome affected your lives?
     
  6. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Many gifted people have Asperger. You know that it gives you many advantages. Stop and think about that.
    Most of all, your children will never be able to replace you.
    You know that you have a purpose in this life, don't you?:hugtackles:
     
  7. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    I've wondered if this is something I have, but people with it seem to be geniuses which I am not, I don't think I fit the whole discription either.

    That made me laugh. I don't think lables are important either, I never think of myself as having some sort of disorder, I don't like to think of it as being part of me or defining me.
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    The Assburgers comment gave me a good laugh too. Nice play of words. :D
     
  9. steviedude2468

    steviedude2468 Banned Member

    Asperger is passed through the fathers genes... if you have it, there's a decent chance that your children have it... they probably need you more than you have any idea.

    My father has no idea I suffer the same thing he does.
     
  10. Emerald Hyperion

    Emerald Hyperion Not So Well-Known Member

    I have Asperger's Syndrome as well. It's ruined a majority of my life and in a sense I'm still trying to live with it. I suspected my father had it as well (in reference to steviedude's post), but I have no idea overall and plus I keep it to myself, considering most people I know have no clue what Aspergers is.
     
  11. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    I have Asperger's Syndrome too, but it's the Gender Identity Disorder that is making me suicidal.
     
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Just be comfortable with being a guy kittylover and you will be fine. Maybe dressing up like a female might help with the Gender Identity Disorder? :hug:
     
  13. I might have Asperger Syndrome but I've never been diagnosed, although one physican said I might have consistencies with symptoms of the conditions as well as minor depression.
    I don't feel associated with people at least not all the time. I want friends, but I'm not sure if I ever find them. I want a GF/wife, especially to win back my last one, but even if successful (that's another issue) I'm not sure if I have what it takes, and the total desire to, as well as the spirit and energy to keep one.
     
  14. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    I know you didn't mean this for me, but pray tell...what advantages do you think Aspergers gives you? Oh yes...I can look at a map and when I see two nations that are close to the same size, I'm overwhelmed with a compulsion to look up the size of each nation to determine which one is bigger. Oh, and I'm told I'm very smart...though I don't feel it at all.

    Kinda hard for me to look at that, and see it as somehow worth having so few meaningful relationships and even fewer meaningful friendships in the world!

    And I have to admit, I'm still myself a little sensitive to this, so calling it "Assburgers" may be funny to everyone else...but I do find the play on words a little patronizing and condescending! Like this is not a serious problem for some of us.

    So I'm not meaning to take the wind out of your sails, but you said that Asperger's gives many advantages...can you name five of those for me?
     
  15. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    Even people with Asperger's who have not received counselling for it as children develop coping skills...however the coping skills we develop could be the difference between living with it as well as possible, and becoming the anxious, obsessive, depressed wreck that I've become.

    I've come to the conclusion that the coping skill I learned was trying to predict the thoughts of other people...often even before I met them. And this "skill" has become as natural to me as breathing...and it has really been a disaster to me because I assume everyone is going to be critical of me, even before I meet them.

    So before I leave the house in the morning, my mind has already convinced me that everyone who sees me is going to see me as fat, unattractive, sloppy and lazy! I wish Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmation would work for me, but alas, it doesn't. :(

    With that backdrop, I'm already anxious about being around people...but then when the time comes to interact with them, I'm running through my mind what I could say, what I should say, what they may think, etc... As a result, no conversation is ever natural or even light...save for the occasional small talk, which is another thing entirely.

    Of course those people I do know, I talk with ad nauseum...to the point that my mind convinces me that I better stop, lest they get tired of me, and decide they no longer want to spend time with me. At which point, I begin to feel anxious that I've ruined a potential friendship, or a friendship, because it's happened before.

    However these days, all of this seems just way too exhausting...before I even meet people these days, I've all but given up because I know outside from small talk, no one else wants to know me. And as much as I want friends and a happy relationship, the truth is that the fatigue and inability to do what comes so naturally for everyone else makes me feel that much worse!

    My patterns however have been updated: as a child, I used to read outdated encyclopedias. As a teen, I used to read school encyclopedias. Now, as an adult, I often find myself reading wikipedia, often just to pass the time...but primarily because I seem to be drawn to doing that!

    To the OP: yes, your children need you! Help them so that they don't wind up like us!
     
  16. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    The most significant way for me is that I'm very isolated. I seem unable to make any meaningful connection with other people IRL, and those I do connect with, I seem to exhaust with my reliance on them as friends.

    As I mentioned in my earlier post, the coping skill I developed on my own was trying to predict what other people would think before I said anything to them. Of course, this feeds into my own negative thoughts about myself, so often before I even meet someone new, I think they'll have a completely negative view of me. And then, outside of generic small talk, nothing is easy because anything I say to them, I've vetted against what I think they will think of it.

    My sense of humour is self depreciating to an extreme...almost as if the one thing that I think we'll all agree on is how pathetic I am!

    I seem to relate everything based on information...and that seems perfectly normal, doesn't it? Except that this spills over into other things: for instance, when I watch the TV show "Big Brother," I think to myself "why would the guys not take a girl to the end...only once has a girl beaten a guy in the final jury vote." Or if I'm playing a video game, like "Madden 2010," I don't so much like playing the video game as I like letting the games be simulated, and I like performing the front office activities.

    As for more conventional information...well, lets just say that I spend a lot of time on wikipedia and the CIA world fact book.

    But yes, how has Asperger's affected my life? I am lonely, feel all alone, and according to the psychiatrist, he feels like the Asperger's is the sole cause of my Social Anxiety, my OCD, and ultimately my depression! That I've not been able to fit in has made my life so empty and hard, I often wake up wondering why I have to continue going on and on.

    That's also why I'm somewhat jealous of anyone else with Asperger's who has managed to have relationships or a family. I'm convinced I'll never be in that position...and it is really hard to go on when I feel so very alone!
     
  17. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Trentgrad, I know that Asperger brings many challenges. I know that you have to go through a lot, that to other people come naturally.

    However, read my signature on the bottom carefully, you'll see that it can also describe the Asperger individual. He suffers a lot with the mundane, and excels in the academic.

    It is Asperger brain power that helped America get man to the moon and back.
     
  18. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    Flowingriver, you're a decent person, and I really appreciate what you're saying.

    I guess where we differ is in the idea that the academic can somehow compensate for what is lacking socially.
     
  19. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't think it even has to. There's no reason an Aspie can't be a socially successful individual... It just takes more work for us.
     
  20. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Asperger has always been with us. People call it gifted. Perhaps that is the price one has to pay is being in a class by yourself. Some Asperger are at genius level. That makes them alone in many ways. Some Asperger have the reward of high IQ, others struggle immensely without reaping any perceivable rewards. No doubt Aspergers have changed the world for the better, and many have changed history and learning forever.

    Aspergers do love deeply and can have friendships that are fulfilling, but they may just have to try harder and to learn how to work with their brain makeup.
    There is no doubt in my mind that Aspergers can find love on the deepest level
    if they are inspired by the right person who cares for them in return.
     
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