assault or my fault? (don't know if this is the right place to post)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by stillsearching..., Apr 2, 2007.

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  1. they say it was an assault
    but i'm not so sure
    i mean, we were both drunk
    things happened
    and i couldn't stop them
    i said i didn't want to
    and that it hurt
    but i couldn't stop him
    i couldn't get up
    why didn't i get up
    and leave?
    he said it would be okay
    the thing is
    i wasn't raped
    but he still touched me
    and it hurt
    there was nothing good about it
    but maybe i was asking for it
    but i don't think i was
    why couldn't i leave?
    why didn't i get up and walk away
    before he did things
    that i wasn't ready for?
    what the hell was wrong with me?
    they say it was an assault
    but i'm not so sure
    cuz we didn't have sex
    i should be over it
    but then why do i feel so used
    so dirty
    the worst part is
    he called me the next day
    all freaked out
    this boy i hardly knew
    and asked me what had happened
    he didn't even remember
    i'm just glad that i left when i did
    cuz if i hadn't have left
    we would have sex
    and i would have hated myself for it
    so i walked home
    in the dark
    at 2.30 in the morning
    lost and confused
    crying till i couldn't see
    i hated myself
    for that night
    for allowing things to happen
    i just wanted to have a good time
    i didn't want to kiss a boy that night
    i didn't want him to touch me
    to see me naked
    that was my body
    and even though i protested
    i couldn't get up and go
    i was stuck there
    and everything was in slow motion
    things were fuzzy
    and it hurts
    and i should be over it.
  2. won't anyone tell me if i'm crazy for letting this incident affect it's just no big deal? won't anyone?
  3. Bright Star

    Bright Star Member

    Key phrase, there. *disclaimer: I am not a lawyer and this should not be taken as legal advice* In the UK, at least, and I suspect in the rest of the civilised world too, sexual assault is defined as any physical contact of a sexual nature without voluntary consent, and what you've said there sounds very much like that to me.

    You're not crazy, I'd say. This has obviously shaken you up quite seriously. I think you'd have to be some kind of emotionless automaton not to be affected by that. Far as I'm concerned, it is a very big deal, and something that needs to be dealt with. If you convince yourself that it's your fault or you deserved it... well, that road leads to dark, horrible places and you don't want to go there, trust me. From what you've said there, I'm convinced that you did nothing wrong at all.

    Far as I'm concerned, you're not crazy. No way you asked for this or brought it upon yourself. No-one deserves that. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2007
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You're NOT crazy and it WAS an assault. Such a thing is not that easy to 'get over'. Was this a long time ago or recently? Can charges still be filed against this drunken creep?

    YOu are not crazy, just full of fear and anxiety - with good reason.

    least :hug:
  5. i dont want to file charges, but it was a couple months ago, and two nights afterward i had a really bad panic attack and ended up going to the hospital. it was fucked up. i feel like it shouldnt be a big deal.
  6. Skyz

    Skyz Member

    If you feel like it was a big deal then it was a big deal. It sounds like he noticed you hesitate and took advantage of it, that makes it his fault.
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