My father died a few weeks ago, and tomorrow is my birthday. I am assessing where I am now and where I am going. Outside of my mother, my T, and my Pdoc I have no real contacts. Rather I am very much alone. While my mother is alive, I will not kill myself. I know though many spouses will die within a year of their spouses death, and my mother is 87 now. Bottom line is that I have a stash just in case. It maybe used if she dies.