At a crossroad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by james79, Jan 16, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. james79

    james79 Member

    I hoping someone out there can relate to this story... I have been suffering from major depression now for a few years but because my depression is classified as "environmental" due to a severe mental disorder that I have been told I can never recover from and will be forced to live like this until the day I die I feel as though I have nothing to look forward to other then pain and suffering. Unlike your typical major depression case I'm tormented daily by a demon in my mind that will eventually kill or severly hurt someone and there's nothing I can do to prevent it aside from ending my life or locking myself up in jail. Combined with the demon I have the usual depression symptoms ie: feels like a hole in my heart and the heartache at times is so powerful that it hurts and I can't stop grimacing or just crying for no reason, the constant lethargy, loss of interest, social impotence etc.. the list goes on. Everyday I wish I was simply like every other depressed person who actually has a chance that one day the dark cloud could lift, but sadly for me I know this is not a reality I can ever expect.

    Thankfully I have recently accuired a quick, peacefull and 100% guaranteed method in which to bring it all to an end, and before you tell me that nothing is for sure let me assure you that I have fully researched every method within the self deliverance community and I could honestly take down an elephant with this technique, I won't go into details out of respect for the admins here but it's a combination of two well known methods that create a fool proof exit. I guess I just wanted to explain that I'm at a crossroads and I have no friends to talk to about this nor can I divulge any of this to my family. I'm just looking for any guidance as you can see I truly don't want to die, I really want the perfect life with a family and a white picket fence but it just seems so far out of reach.

    Sorry for the huge post but I haven't told this whole thing to anyone and it helps to talk even if it's just chatting.

  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please keep talking. :hug: If you ever want to talk or need a friend, drop me a PM anytime. I don't know your whole situation, but I'd like to try and help, or at least be someone that will listen to what you have to say.
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are here for you
  4. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way...can't tell if it's environmental though because it seems to follow me wherever I go. I also have my methods, but they are there as a reminder along with a few things I hold close to me to make me think twice. I've been depressed almost my entire life since childhood and doctors diagnosed me with every term they can think of. I just know that I'm here now, and to hell with the doctors, and I'm going to live my life the best way I can until my time has come. I'm only 25 by the way...
  5. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Hi. Tell us about yourself James. I love to read mini-biographies. Or PM me. Be absolutely honest.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.