At a loss...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by searchingforthestars, Mar 29, 2015.

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  1. With each passing day, I'm getting worse. I have thoughts of suicide all the time. I don't know how I would do it, so nothing ever gets planned, but I want to die. The worst part is that I can't admit it. I've had therapists, but I keep all of my suicidal feelings locked up. I'm afraid of disappointing people and I go great lengths to seem "okay."

    I feel like I'm going crazy. I've been severely depressed for years, but I was recently diagnosed with a sever anxiety disorder, and my paranoia has begun to get out of hand. I get panic attacks. In general, I worry and get set off by the most trivial things.

    The only thing keeping me alive is that I love my girlfriend, and my family and friends. Otherwise, there's nothing I care about. I don't know what to do when I can't even say out loud that I'm depressed.

    I'm worried, as well, that if I say anything in "real life" - so to speak - that I'll be taken into the hospital or something. Perhaps it would be good for me, but I'm too anxious about how it'll affect me. Right now, I have good grades in school and I don't want to get behind. That would only make me feel worse and more distraught.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2015
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear what you are saying but you will not be put into hospital unless you say you are going to harm yourself immediately
    If you cannot speak how you feel then write it down ok and give it to your therapist You have to trust your therapist to do what is right for you ok but therapist cannot help you if you are not being honest.

    YOU deserve to feel better and you can if you get on some therapy or meds or both to help you get your emotions under control
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome!! You are important and worthy of help and support just like anyone else. Depression is not something to be ashamed of despite what society and the stigma around it makes you feel. 1 in 4 people will suffer depression at some point in their lives. It would be great if you could open up to someone, anyone? x
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