at a loss..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by no1important, Oct 9, 2010.

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  1. no1important

    no1important New Member

    I feel totally alone, even though i'm in a room full of people. Last night everyone was having fun and trying to include me...but I just felt shut off and alone. I felt guilty for not being able to respond positively to my friends, but I couldn't seem to turn off the growing depression in me. Normally I'd go to my best friend, and he'd talk to me, help me to feel better...we were supposed to see each other this weekend, I was going to travel 400 miles by train to spend the weekend at his apartment..but the week I was to buy the tickets he told me not to come, he didn't want to see me. This weekend is hard enough as it is, but being around my roommates while they each have their best friend with him and have all their inside jokes and connections...its like this huge trigger to remind me my best friend not only blew me off but told me he didn't want to help me anymore last time I had a crisis moment. I felt unwanted, burdensome, useless, and just plain bad.
    I'm trying all kinds of distractions to help me get through this weekend, but so far they have all failed. I feel at a loss of what to do before this depression (which I've been suffering from my whole life, but has been worse the past three months and continues to get worse, even with meds and therapy) gets worse and comes to that "point of no return"...
    I feel like I am in a thick forest at night. the moon is hidden by the trees and further hidden by thick clouds, so not even a light breeze can shift things to get just enough light in to help me find my way. My flashlight battery is about to die, the light grows dimmer and dimmer. The path is no longer lit, and I can't see where the edge of the cliff is anymore.. If I stay still, I will be devoured by the creatures of the forest...if I move forward, I will surely fall to my death.
    How do I find a new path..?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You must be feeling so hurt i am sorry your friend did that to you. What you do to find a new path is to call your doc and tell him or her you are getting worse. Time to add to your medication or change to the newer ones out there
    I would if you can or have a therapist book an earlier appt to talk about how you are feeling and what just happened. If you depression is not getting better then the medication you are on is not working. I think coming here talking is a great start reaching out for help is another start too. Time to make new friends
    Talk to coucillor at school or someone anyone your trust If there is no one available call crisis line Good Samaritans someone real who will understand and listen and give you some advice too. Try to get outside okay join new groups activities do something you enjoyed way back when by doing them it will bring some happiness back. You will be new friends but first get the depression looked at okay don't stay where you are in the darkness anymore change up is needed now.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Feeling abandoned and rejected is so about how you are doing so that you can see how valued and important you are...many ppl act in a way they will regret...and sadly, it seems to be at a time when we feel we need them the most...just had this happen to me...please PM me if I can help in any way...big hugs, J
  4. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    Your friend may feel overwhelmed with dealing with certain issues. Make plans again with activities in mind. You can get the mental support but in a a way that is helpful to your friend as well.

    As for now create your own light, read a book, take a walk or just get out and see some beautiful scenery, it is hard to be depressed while in the awe of beauty, or sometimes I find just sitting in the quiet away from the noice of urban life and in the chatter of nature helps.

    Just my thoughts
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm sorry to hear that your friend did not want to help you this time. He might be feeling overwhelmed and needs some time to rest himself. Hope you are doing okay. :hug:
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