At it again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by rachypooh, Sep 12, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    why in the hell do i do it to myself ?????????????
    what am i gaining from this all ???????????????
    i had a memory/flashback of the first time i cut and i was so young.
    i think i finally know why i started to do it.
    my thinking was if i hurt me, i get in before others hurt me, i was going through severe abuse at the time. I thought that it would stop others from touching me.Didn't work though did it......??????????????????????

    I cut today because i got so upset about things being said to me, why would i make things like this up.
    I thought i hid it well, but little did i know that wearing a long sleved top with white sleves doesnt hide it very well. it bleed through and i had to get help to get cleaned up.
    it hurts like hell, and the person who had a look wanted to see my other cuts but i couldnt bring myself to show her them, she is one person i do trust and she tries to help as much as possible and she just sits there and lets me cry, yell, scream, get angry and she doesnt judge me. she lets me be me
  2. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    If we're not hurting and someone hurts us, it's like WTF?
    If we have already hurt ourselves, already hurting, one more person doesn't seem to make that much difference. "might as well....."

    I am glad you have a friend to help you. I understand about not wanting them to see, but I believe over time, you will be ready to show them and then you will be relieved. It's not always the time to do soemthing like that, we just aren't ready.
    We all need that one person we can be 'us' around and it's ok. It's unfortunate that some people would rather make things worse for us, than leave us the h--- alone
    I hope you're doing better by the end of today. I hope you can keep your friend with you to talk, vent, and cry with. Please take care and when you feel up to it let us know how you are.
  3. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    I still feel like shit and it is late at night for me.
    Cant focus, dissociating.
    Trying to get through the day, after a hell of a start.
    Trying to not cut although the knife is easily accessed, I have hidden it so it takes time to get but still the same I know where it is

    I never got to spend more than forty five minutes with my friend, she and I both had to go. As we both had to get back to work at the centre.

    So out of it right now not sure if this makes sense
  4. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    I wish I could understand *better* but I do understand some.

    try to take it 10 minutes at a time
    I have to go for now but I will keep checking in.
    *big warm snuggly caring calming hug*
  5. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    Getting deeper and deeper, sucked in big time.

    Need to dig myself out, before I end up dead.

    I dont want to die, I'm not ready to die.

    I cant stop the thoughts, feelings and urges.

    No idea what to do, no idea where to turn.

    :lost: :lost: :lost: :lost: :lost:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.