At least I can say for 2 weeks in my life, I was liked and appreciated by a girl.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Joseph1011, Jul 29, 2012.

  1. Joseph1011

    Joseph1011 Member

    I am 26 years old. I have never had a relationship before. As a teen I had low self-esteem. Went through periods of suicidal thoughts, then indifference. First time I ever had sex I was 21 years old, with a prostitute. Have had many more prostitutes after that. I didn't want to find a girlfriend at first because I had low self-esteem. Then, when I making money playing poker I tried to convince myself that I didn't need all that relationship bullshit, that I could get sex anytime I want, as well as most other things anytime I want. It was really an empty, hollow feeling.

    I have stopped playing poker for 2 years now, mostly due to the fact that the games are getting tougher and more regulated, and that the public interest in poker is dying down resulting in less bad players, which is where your winnings come from. I no longer have the lifestyle that I used to have, but it doesn't really bother me that much since I wasn't really happy back then anyways. I am currently a professional skydiver, and I can really say I enjoy what I do. For 2 years since I started skydiving, I didn't really go through any depression, and I was happy. I started to feel lonely, and wanted a companion, someone to be happy with together. I signed up for online dating, without much expectations. I'm kinda introverted and not really a bar/club type of person. Anyways, I met this most perfect girl, who gave me a chance. She's absolutely beautiful, smart, someone I can talk to, someone who is interesting, she really is the girl of my dreams. First time we met, she knew that I didn't make a lot of $$. I drove a shitty car, and yet she liked me anyways. Genuinely liked me.

    I got myself checked out for any STD's, just to be sure, and I came out clean. So, we tried to make love once, everything was going well until I was overcome with emotion. This girl genuinely wanted to be with me, she is beautiful, smart, the perfect girl. I loved her. ..Then flashbacks of prostitutes, and I felt guilty, and...then I went soft. She said it's okay, to this day I don't know if she meant it.

    That wasn't the only reason. After looking back, I came to a conclusion. Having never been in a relationship before, having been so indifferent to everything, that when I started to feel again, the feeling was too fast and intense. I only knew this girl for 2 weeks and I loved her so much. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. If offered the choice of $100,000,000 or her, I'd choose her. I'd die for this girl. When I was with her, I knew I was alive. So saying that I came on too strong is an understatement. I did everything I could think of trying to please her. Flowers, cards, dinners, gifts, massages...everything. I just didn't want to fuck it up because I loved her so much and I wanted this to work out more than anything in the world. I guess my fear came true. I consider myself a fairly confident person. I wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't have that confidence or belief in my own abilities. But my confidence comes from knowledge, preparation, and experience. How could I have had any of that with her? I had never been in a relationship before and I was flooded with all these emotions that were totally new to me. She told me I don't have to try so hard. The signs and hints were all there. I think this was the biggest reason why she decided to dump me. That I came across as clingy, desperate, pathetic.

    When she dumped me 5 days ago, I cried. For the first time in over 12 years, I cried. Sobbed like a baby under my blanket, it was really pathetic. I think I deserve it. In the end we all reap what we sow. If an innocent person gets raped, or hit by a drunk driver, that's tragic, and not deserved. But for me, everything that happened has happened because of my own decisions, and my own actions.

    I feel that old familiar feeling of pointlessness, and thoughts of death are surfacing again. I'm just so tired of being me.
  2. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    aww joseph, we've all been there. It sounds like she really liked you and probably still does. Here's the thing: you gotta be solid enough that she can come and go without pressure and you'll still be ok. I understand what you're saying about the fear. But you cannot put that kind of expectation and pressure on another human being. Also you can be disappointed later when your realize she's not perfect and take her off the pedestal.

    Here's girl advice she probably couldn't resist:
    1. Write her a VERY short note saying - "You know what? I went a little crazy because I just haven't met someone like you in a long time! I went bananas. Can you blame me? So I'm going to take some time away and get my head on straight. Forgive me. You're just too cute." THAT's IT, No long explanations, nothing more.
    2. Don't contact her for like a month. You MUST focus on yourself and get your head on together or you'll screw up something great. :)

    Just get it together and separate yourself and DON'T contact her. She likes you! That's a WIN!
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I can relate to where you are coming from. You are not pathetic for having been too clingy and seemingly over-aggressive with her. Its just that you and I have had a different upbringing and circumstances from that girl, and many other girls as well. So, they'll likely be scared and creeped out by people like us, who are inexperienced with relationships but just want them so badly. They have had normal upbringings and so aren't used to guys like us, that haven't had relationships unlike other boys they have dealt with. So, we want to try so hard and get more desperate as we get older and everyone else our age has had a girlfriend or more, married, etc, while we are still alone. Its a horrible feeling to feel left out like this in the cold.

    I feel that I would only have to try out with girls who are in my exact shoes, who are also lonely, frustrated, never been in a relationship before, etc. So that if I am clingy with her, she won't mind and maybe she would even do the same with me. I wouldn't mind either because I know EXACTLY how she is feeling. But its extremely hard or impossible to connect with "normal" girls who deal with "normal" guys. I believe myself that I shouldn't even try with this overly majority segment of the population. I'll just get shot down in a sea of flames and just attempt with the lonely "freaks" like me.

    I have also likely scared off several girls on the internet where I must have come off as sending too many messages, just desperately wanting to connect with a girl and for some girl to like me in return, for who I am inside. Of course, I don't mean to come off as some obsessive, creepy stalker and neither do you. We just want to finally have a relationship that all our peers have already had. That's all you and I want, and its a perfectly normal urge and desire, physically and psychologically.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2012
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Well, I'm 31 and still a virgin, so I guess I have you both beat in terms of patheticness. But being a 31 year old virgin is not what bothers me. What bothers me about the women in general, is that they are incapable of recognizing a decent guy and choose instead to date jerks who will screw them around and move on to their next conquest.

    Joseph, I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend dumping you. Maybe you came on too strong and she got creeped out. Women get creeped out easily. Trust me, I know from experience. Take some time apart and maybe one day she will give you another chance? Try viagra or cialis if you're having a hard time 'getting it up.'

    Rahul, I was hoping to hear some good news from you after taking a break from SF, but I guess things are still pretty lonely for you too. I think it's time we started acting like jerks, because being nice guys is getting us nowhere. I really don't like the thought of being a jerk, but if that's what the girls want, that's what they're going to get.